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Seeking Islamic Guidance On Fulfilling Duties Toward An Absent Father
As-salamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullah, Ghamidi sb,
I hope you are in the best of health and Iman. I would like to seek your guidance on a deeply personal matter regarding the role of a father in Islam and how one should respond when that relationship has been strained or largely absent.
My father became a doctor in his home country but left when I was around 6 years old to pursue his career in Europe and later the United States. After leaving, he did not maintain any regular contact with me, nor did he provide financial support for my upbringing—this includes my education, daily needs, or even support during my marriage. I always believe he is a father who could not or did not take regular responsibility in emotional, financial, and parental matters till date. When it is put upon him he shy’s away.
At one point, he initiated a custody case in our home country, but this seemed to be under pressure from extended family. During that time, he briefly sent money and gifts, seemingly to strengthen his position in court. However, once that episode ended, there was complete silence from his side for many years.
I met him for the first time when I was 21. He helped me with immigration, and since then, has provided occasional financial assistance, but communication has always remained minimal. Now that I am settled, with my own family and career, I notice that he continues to remain distant—not just with me, but with my children as well. He has remarried to a westerner (late in life, with no children), and seems to have fully adopted a Western lifestyle.
I find myself quite dis oriented. On one hand, I believe that blood ties should never be broken, and I feel a sense of obligation and compassion toward him as my father. On the other hand, I often wonder why I am the only one making efforts to maintain a relationship when he has consistently chosen to remain distant and uninvolved, especially now in his retirement.
All these years my mother and my family have been a strong pillar support for me and my family.
From an Islamic perspective, I would like to ask:
What is the child’s responsibility in Islam toward a parent who has largely been absent, emotionally and financially, and who does not seek to build a relationship—even in old age? How should one navigate the balance between upholding ties of kinship (silat ar-rahm) and acknowledging the hurt or neglect that has shaped much of the past?
Your insight and guidance will be deeply appreciated.
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Seeking Islamic Guidance On Fulfilling Duties Toward An Absent Father
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Considering the nature of your issue, please register for a free online consultation session with Dr. Shahzad Saleem at the following link:
https://www.ghamidi.org/consultation/
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