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Can A Haq Mehr Be Demanded?
As-salaam-alaikum everyone, I need advice.
I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years, planning marriage. Recently, a major issue came up regarding Haq Mehr. My fiancée specifically asked for 3 tola gold, and insisted it must be given publicly as Haq Mehr so her family can feel proud and she can “show people.”
Initially, I wanted to keep Haq Mehr simple (as per Sunnah), but later on secretly I had planned to gift her 3 tola gold on our wedding night, privately, so it’s between us and close family. I felt this way it would be an act of love, not a show-off.
She didn’t know about my plans but I asked her to trust me on this that I would do something better than this but she couldn’t say yes. She even said she won’t marry me if I don’t give it publicly as she wants. This broke me, because I expected love and trust to matter more than gold. I sent her various verses, she didn’t understand it and took it as a allegations of showing her as a bad person but instead it was just to make her understand the thing she wants is not wrong but the thought behind it is morally, islamically and ethically wrong and doesn’t aligns with my value.
Anyways she said that I won’t marry if this doesn’t happen and at this point I wanted to reveal my plan and even before that I asked her if she meant that she wont marry me because of some gold or she really don’t trust me on this, her responses were same and then after telling her my plan, I cried but she accused me of making her look like a gold digger and turned it on me. Finally, I told her it’s over and we cannot be together.
My question to you all:
• Was I wrong or unfair in this matter?• Is her demand justified, or is it a red flag?• Should marriage really depend on this, when I was already planning to give it my own way?
Please give me honest advice. -
1 Reply
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Can A Haq Mehr Be Demanded?
updated 9 minutes ago
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Haq e mahr is not a private matter. Like marriage it should be announced publicly that however much mehr the husband will give to her wife. There is not concept of simple or cheap mehr in Islam. The holy prophet gave the most expensive haq e mehr to his wives. Haq e mehr is the honour of women and she has right to announce it.
Private gift is another thing.
Marriage is serious matter and should be treated accordingly.
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