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How To Reconcile The Ayat That Allah Doesn’t Burden A Sould More Than It Can Bea
Assalamu alaikum, in Quran Allah says He doesn’t burden a soul more tgan it can bear.
But some times a lot of commands seems really impossible.
Like if one’s parent it continuously nagging, behaving irritatingly then a perdon who gets annoyed easily will find it impossible to reply them with kindness. Isnt it obvious people will burn out by keeping the anger inside.
Then how can we reconcile that Allah won’t burden ayat with the person who is really finding it impossible to treat parents kindly?
Is it really possible to tolerate such annoying / toxic behaviour and still treat kjndly?
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How To Reconcile The Ayat That Allah Doesn’t Burden A Sould More Than It Can Bea
updated 1 day, 15 hours ago
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“Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear.” (2:286)It doesn’t mean “nothing will ever feel unbearable.”It means that whatever command or test Allah gives is within human capacity in principle — not that it will always feel easy in the moment.
If the situation is bearable then what is the point of putting u in that situation?
It doesn’t mean that you’ll be tested by situation within your limits and capacity to endure, allah put us in these situations to unlock new level of us.
I’ll give u example from my life. Not a long ago i was in so much stress and i was going crazy (due to some circumstances) at that point it felt neverending pain and suffering i prayed alot so it would get easier and nothing happened even worse it gave the worst possible outcome I was so scared of…. BUT i am now very very thankful of all that happened to me cuz in that process though very painful and difficult didn’t knew which direction to go i kept trying and did whatever i could think of to make things better, in the end the situation outcome was very unpleasant but the way it opened my brain my meta awareness my new perspective of thinking and how all that turned into my most turning event and i am so thankful to allah that i have grown so much cuz of what happened at that time. And yes i do have capacity to accept that outcome and accept all that happened.
See, how i was at the limit of my capacity Allah didn’t made it easier he made me stronger. He didn’t gave a test that i could endure and pass he gave me a situation with the difficulty of next level and i myself walked through that situation and unlocked my new version and i am very proud of myself and thankful of everything.
Allah does not always make situations easier; sometimes He expands us so we can carry what once felt impossible. The test may feel beyond our current comfort, but it is never beyond the deeper capacity Allah has placed within us — a capacity that often reveals itself only through hardship.
About your situation, it’s truly a difficult situation ik someone very close to me who had a very toxic parents.
What you’re experiencing is genuinely exhausting. Constant nagging, criticism, or emotionally volatile behavior can lead to chronic stress, emotional burnout, and suppressed anger, especially for someone who is sensitive or struggles with emotional regulation. Islam does not deny this psychological reality.
Islam does not ask you to become emotionally numb or to destroy yourself silently. You are not required to absorb abuse, agree with wrongdoing, or remain constantly available when it harms you. Obedience to parents does not extend to injustice or emotional damage.
What is required is restraint in expression, not perfection in feeling. Anger, frustration, and resentment are human and morally neutral; the command is about behavior — avoiding contempt, humiliation, and cruelty. Kindness means maintaining dignity, not sacrificing mental health.
Practically, patience may look like setting quiet boundaries, limiting exposure, stepping away from triggering situations, or responding briefly and respectfully instead of escalating. Distance taken for self-regulation is not disobedience; it is wisdom.
This is likely a test of patience, but patience in Islam does not mean breaking yourself. Sometimes it means regulating your inner state, preserving stability, and choosing not to become bitter or unjust under pressure. Even enduring without becoming harsh is a form of success.
(Sorry for the long reply but i hope it’ll help you)
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but without showing the internal feeling (annoyance/anger) how can one NOT be burnt out?
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The key difference here is between suppression and regulation — and the line between them is very thin.
Suppression is when you feel anger or frustration and force it down. You pretend it’s not there. You keep smiling while your nervous system is burning inside. Over time, that leads to emotional burnout, resentment, or even shutdown.
Regulation is different. Regulation means you acknowledge the emotion without letting it control your behavior. If I feel anger or frustration, I don’t deny it. I become aware of it. When we are angry, we genuinely lose awareness of ourselves. The limbic system (our emotional survival brain) takes over. Anger is basically an adrenaline push — your body trying to protect you because it feels unsafe or attacked. Biologically, an emotional surge (like anger) lasts about 90 seconds in the body. If it lasts longer, it’s because we are ‘feeding’ it with our thoughts (‘How could they say that?’, ‘This is so unfair!’). Regulation is about surviving those first few minutes. So instead of suppressing it, I pause and label it: “Okay. This is anger. I feel helpless right now. The situation is not under my control. These are my hormones I don’t need to react to this situation i am strong enough to handle it” That awareness alone reduces intensity.Then I redirect the energy because at that time our body is filled with anger and frustration we have to do something to let those hormones out so i:Leave the room.Hold my tongue.Do something physical (walk, clean, water plants).Watch something neutral to shift attention outward (it’s a very good method to stop those negative thoughts).Regulation may look corny or too psychological nerdy thing, but once you practice it, it genuinely changes your nervous system. At first it feels unnatural. I also struggled in the beginning as it felt very bookish but genuinely speaking these are the most effective methods out there and over time, it becomes easier, and you actually start liking the feeling of staying composed instead of exploding.
That being said, regulation does not mean tolerating endless harm. Islam does not require you to silently destroy yourself. Respecting parents does not mean enabling injustice or emotional damage. Obedience does not extend to abuse. If the environment is chronically toxic, regulation helps in the moment — but long-term pressure can still cause emotional shutdown. In that case, wisdom may include:Limiting interaction.Setting calm boundaries.Reducing exposure.Seeking support.Working toward eventually changing your environment if possible.Patience in Islam is not passive suffering. It is controlled response with dignity and wisdom. So no, you don’t burn out by regulating. You burn out by suppressing. The goal is not to kill anger — it’s to handle it consciously. And that takes practice, not perfection.
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