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Spouse Enforcing Cutting Off Blood Ties
To begin with , Yes…i have read a lot about it, attempted mediators, tried means allowed, but all has not yielded favorable outcome……
Issue:
I need a genuine help in solving a dilemma i am facing since past one month.
I’m 52 year old in a second marriage [11 years ] having a daughter 9 years old.
My past marriage ended in a divorce in 2014 and my two elder daughters (now 23 year old and nineteen year old) lived with their mother by choice. Due to family pressure and tussle after the divorce they were incommunicado with me after 2024. Then onwards I attempted to gradually gain their trust and harmony Although only the eldest daughter was responsive.
Dark Knight Rises:
the present wife Never expected nor showed any positivity in my interaction with daughters. the hostility multiplied when i started monetary (very meagre amount) for my monthly support for daughters as well as intention to document my inheritance.
To keep it simple without going into character assassination I just wanted to raise the question.
Recent Happening:
I went to meet by visiting daughter at my parents house, after a gap of one year, where she barged in creating a tamasha of a life time.. and now adopted a strategy…..told me “cutoff ties from your parents, siblings, daughters,….. not even a text……………otherwise…get out (the house i bought but hibba gifted her in 2022)……
Her threatening for divorce is not a new phenomenon…..but this time apparently her stakes are not threatened because of the house….i am at loser end (not pushed about house grab) but the youngest daughter’s future………….but at the cost of incommunicado with all of my blood relatives.
Normally this abnormality can easily be brushed aside and separate dealings with as a” wife-parents balance” scenario can be done but daughter’s future concerns me. she also thinks that I will not risk divorce for the sake of my present daughter.
My concern:
I definitely Know that it is un-Islamic to cut off ties and I had been trying to convince her Off this but she is adamant that my parents and daughters and siblings are trying to affect this marriage So she has Islamic right to enforce this upon me.
We are not in a joint family system so this propaganda of harming is filmsyi. she is definitely not in good books of my parents and definitely daughters don’t like her but they are educated, respected individuals and have never talked about her to me. This is 100 % propaganda that due to their harming this marriage and being against her is a REASON which allows her TO DEMAND AND ENFORCE IT. Calling the bluff has 90% result of divorce and the only affectee is 9 year old. Allah knows my intentions and helplessness….
I had been through mediation, all her side but that ended without any solution because she talks too much and I don’t have the energy to justify a simple Quran sanctioned/ Morally bound act to do.
Going/ meeting/ even texting behind her back has backfired before because she comes to know of it somehow and then the Tamasha is neighborhood wide. Been trying to amicably get out of this trauma with charm, financial etc but it’s lingering on……
I told her to justify her act, through Islamic text/ books etc But so far she failed and portrays she has asked scholars (Your very own Mr Saleem Shehzad and Ghamidi Saab son on WhatsApp) and she claims they supported her stance.
The only Things stopping me from taking the step is my daughter [especially with the background of past divorce and ruining the life two elder daughters, I don’t want to repeat it] but this but Lack of communication with parents siblings and others IS HEAVY ON MIND/ HEART. what is the way…………… i do pray, read quran, repent, focus on job, but this rabbit /pigeon eye closure is not the solution. i humbly seek guidance…..
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5 Replies
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Spouse Enforcing Cutting Off Blood Ties
updated 3 days, 6 hours ago
2 Members
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5
Replies
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Zulm and ziyadati are grave sins. As the head of the family, your responsibility is to address such situations with justice and wisdom while avoiding unnecessary harm to family relationships.
Family matters of this nature rarely have simple or straightforward solutions. The scholars can provide guidance based on Islamic principles, but we cannot prescribe the exact course of action for your specific circumstances. Applying those principles requires careful judgment, taking into account all the details of your situation.
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Aoa
Definitely.. 2 the point solution cannot be provided, nevertheless, such a broad scope mandate given in answer definitely needs to be elaborated:-
Justice and Wisdom
1. Trying to save a 9 year old daughter.s future by continuously tolerating a toxic environment for myself. It is at the cost of not having any connection to parents, siblings , elder daughters.
Justice says: give it to all of them: wisdom says: keep ego aside and be a man and do what one is aught to do. The undeclared contact You attempted to maintain, the rights You continued fulfilled despite of BAN by spouse …. Once leaked, or she coming to know: even a month later; you are now A LIAR, deceiver, and has proven her point for no trust so EVERMORE RESTRICTIONS.
2. Definitely you cannot give solution to all the problems
At least tell me/ guide
By attempting to balance out Rights of all , parents vs spouse , daughters vs spouse and lastly You r own sense and halal/ Allah sanctioned way of life; can one lie to coverup, try to balance out by attempting to keep sila rehmi; despite of threats
Spouse conditioning: though failed in past 11 year: i am adopting the way of life, where it’s no more one sided marriage… if she is creating hurdles, i am not creating hurdles in turn, only withdrawing extra favours bestowed…. No more pocket money ( which is in addition house running budget) handed over to her to run , shop around … bills etc are separate paid by me , so no withdrawing of RIGHTS; only curtailing Pocket money which was purely my way of being good to her.
If I can’t meet my blood relatives, why to meet any one else? Imposed by us, guests , visiting relatives etc.. parents, siblings , daughters banned and i meeting cousins friends: this is pure hypocrisy
Is it ok..
Islam rules about such balancing out… While preserving a relationship, not destroy other…
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This is the area of your judgment now. You may involve someone who is reliable for both parties to solve these problems.
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now the wife is quoting https://youtu.be/bBx2Z5hNBAI?si=asoJp0v62XPbEoRq, Ghamidi saab apparent ruling to go ahead with the “saza” part…….
while i had quoted her “https://youtu.be/bSFDBJ3J0YE?si=RV1lXymfLEtbRDYG” minute 1:17:28 where Ghamidi Saab saying a different context ….Qatah Taluq…not allowed and called it “Gair insaani”
My context: a spouse portraying parents / daughters /siblings are destroying marriage (though no joint family system, i not forcing her at all to contact them)
How can she make me cut off relations on her portrayal of such interference, harming marriage???
if it is not affecting her Directly (no joint family system), no contact (blocked contact), me as husband extra cautious (for 9 year old daughter’s fututure sake, to not affect either party) even if mutual hatred and stinginess exist (even if so,,,,,) then am i suppose to cut off relations because she says so.)
asking a question here is : to get to a solution….The party enfocing it, wont get into 3rd party system…so a husband is in limbo……
question: covering up from wife : any continous contact with parents/ daughters/ siblings….is it dceit, lie????
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Scholarly opinions are principles intended to guide us, but their application often involves innumerable factors that a scholar cannot determine on behalf of every individual. Ultimately, one must exercise personal judgment in distinguishing right from wrong. If you are unable to reach a decision yourself, consult someone reliable and knowledgeable, and seek to resolve the matter accordingly. Quoting a scholar is not the right approach here.
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