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Socio – Cultural Evolution
Salaam,
Lately I have been watching Mr Ghamdi’s mini series on “riyasat” and it’s related issues on the weekly show ilmo Hikmat. His depth and breadth of knowledge is incredible. I have gained so much from his talks. However, my mind has raised a few questions too.
As Mr Ghamdi said that broadly speaking there are two kinds of institutions in the world. Firstly, the institution of marriage and secondly , the institution of state (riyasat).
He also said that Quran addresses people fully acknowledging and respecting the socio cultural evolutionionry stage at the time of its revelation and the various evolutionary stages there after.
Mr Ghamdi also states that because the institution of marriage is a devine institution its edicts are laid down by Allah himself.
My question is that when Allah acknowledges the realities of socio-cultural shift according to changing times why doesn’t He acknowledge the fact that that evolutionary process will also shift the culture of the basic building block of the society which is a family ( or “khandan” as Mr Ghamdi calls it). Why does Allah show such unbending rigidity in those edits.
The following are some of the questions that I have:
Today’s woman is not a suppressed, oppressed , dependant house wife of the war torn tribal culture the Quran was revealed onto. In those days world was ruled by brawn rather than brain. Now women are acing every aspect of the work force. They are fiercely confident and independent yet they are still expected to bow to the superiority of men like women were expected to do so in the tribal culture which was ruled by fist and dominance . In that regressive culture men saw women as weak and good for nothing entities. They regarded women as mere liabilities where their only quality was being baby making machines.
Furthermore, because of the battle and war cultural at the time polygamy was common place but even now men feel it’s their God given right to hurt and oppress women by using polygamy card. Why do women have to put up with this degradation and why is their a total disregard by Allah to the feelings of the first wife but when it comes to the feelings of a husband he is treated like a demigod.
If a woman wants divorce men and our courts feel they have the right to refuse her the pleasure of a divorce even though she cannot stand the sight of her husband ! All in the name of husband’s rights. Why?
With the number of working women increasing , more and more women are supporting their parents financially yet the inheritance laws are inflexible and biased towards men. Why?
If “amrohum shura benahum” is the recommended way of establishing a healthy society then why doesn’t Allah encourage its application in the basic unit of society – the family. Why is husband given the status of a ruler.
Why are women made to feel second class citizen that are meant to be ruled by men rather than being treated as their equals.
As a result of all this many of today’s women find Islam suffocating- because of its bias towards men.
There are innumerable women who refuse to get married because of the Islamic marriage laws which are skewed towards men.
If you line up all the Muslim men and women in the world and ask them which gender they would pick if Allah gave them a second chance. Without a doubt all men AND WOMEN will pick the male gender. This is because women feel Allah has shown a clear favoritism towards men.
Plz help me understand all this because these ( and many I haven’t asked yet) issues have bothered me and almost all educated, forward thinking Muslim women of this era for years and years.
Mr Ghamdi is the only Muslim scholar who has satisfied some questions on my very long list of women related questions in Islam.
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8 Replies
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Socio – Cultural Evolution
updated 3 years ago
4 Members
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8
Replies
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If you haven’t watched this program before, this might give you a bit more perspective on the topic you have addressed here.
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Salaam brother Dawar,
I watched the whole video. It was quite informative. However, where it answered many questions it raised a few questions and concerns too.
After watching the video there are 3 main issues that are bothering me.:
Husbands as heads of family units, Tadeeb and finally laws of inheritance and malooqiat.
My appologies if my mail turns out to be inconveniently long but I really need to talk about the issues in detail in order to put my point accross so that I am given a reply that is detailed enough to satisfy my quest .
However, in this mail I will only ask about “husbands as heads of family” so as to avoid making this mail uncomfortably and unnecessarily long.
In a genuine attempt to help his audience understand the husband as the head of family unit Mr Ghamdi kept comparing the structure of a family unit to that of a company’s structure and the relationship of a husband and wife to that of a boss and his employees.
Although there are some similarities between the two structures their differences are greater in number in my humble opinion.
The following reasons are why I find this analogy unfair:
– A company is already formed and registered when it hires its employees whereas the institution of family comes into existence only after two individuals sign Nikah contract
– Employees do not live under the same roof as the wife does
– Employees have a set number of working hours after which they are free to enjoy life as they please whereas a wife has a 24/7 duty
– Employees do not share assets with their boss whereas the assets (children)of wife and husband are shared.
– If an employee wants to resign the boss cannot force him/her to continue to work. The employee can find work somewhere else even without an NOC
– If the employee resigns or is fired , the company goes on however, the family unit ceases to exist as soon as it ends in a divorce
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Despite Mr Ghamdi’s displeasure for the use of the word “partner” in the context of marriage, in my humble opinion, a closer analogy would be a partnership where the two partners share risks and profits and have equal stakes. The husband can be termed a senior partner if the desire to be the head of family unit is so insatiable in men.
However, instead of putting the focus on women to accept their husbands as heads of family units this world would be a much better place if instead men are taught that as a head of family they are neither emperors nor rulars or dictators. Allah has merely given them a degree above their wives and nothing more. Infact if men use their rational minds they would quickly realise that it’s not a status they want to gloat about because it’s not a position of privilege or authority infact, it’s a position of enormous responsibility.
And unlike what men love to believe it doesn’t give them the status of a ruler or a dictator. They still have to conduct themselves on the principles of “amrohum shura bainahum”. Even the so called kings and heads of dynasties were nothing without the support of their shura let alone husbands.
If only men are taught that if a marriage fails it’s their leadership role that was flawed and as a result they failed as the heads of their respective family units. Just like when an organisation fails it’s the CEO who is to blame nobody else. So let the husbands not look towards wives for the blame game. Happy marriages are not happy because the wives are good. Happy marriages are happy because the husbands are good leaders and know how to conduct themselves and take the family along.
One of the attributes of a good leaders is that they are aware that they are not bosses they are only leaders and facilitators. And a good leader is self aware, empathetic, progressive and knows the art of when to lead from the front and when to take a back seat and let the junior partner take the lead and grow in confidence and experience . A leader doesn’t say “go” . A leader says “let’s go”. A leader doesn’t demand respect, a leader commands respect.
As long as men don’t realise their roles as true leaders there will always be frustration and resentment in women towards their husbands and husbands will inevitable face rebellion from their wives . These are natuural reactions to what men put women through.
So let the society fix the disease rather than the symptoms.
Do you disagree brother?
Wasalaam
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Salam Sister
I think you have already addressed some issues in the last part of your discussion and I agree with that. I think in simple words it’s the applied part of family system that is under question here. We need to educate people to tell them what exactly marriage is. Husband as family ‘head/qawwam’ needs to get educated as you explained as well. In general, Islam needs to be understood in its true sense which unfortunately is not the case in our society.
In present time different companies have different models (in their structure and functionality). For example, the structure of emerging start-up companies is quite different and fast paced. In a start-up (the one I’m aware of) all the employees (can) hold shares in contrast to what you’ve mentioned. In my humble understanding Allah has given us a family unit with its basic structure as Ghamidi Sb is trying to explain in the video, the problems are in its application. There are many aspects in the applications that can be implemented based on our ‘aql’/intellect/understanding God has given us e.g., Ghamidi Sb is talking about the right of divorce (khulah) of a wife from her husband.
If you wish, you can also register to ask questions at AskGhamidi app directly from Ghamidi Sb.
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Sister Nailed it.
All these questions are worth serious attention.
I’ve heard from Ghamidi sahab in a youtube video that if in marriage a woman accepts the financial responsibility of a man, then that woman will have to be the leader of that house..
It seems that this isn’t an election from Almighty in a random pick and reward sense.
Instead this is a serious responsibility given by Almighty, but we people have the tendency to cherry pick the favors that are result of a responsibility and forgetting the responsibility itself.
In general essence maybe this is formula that women are encouraged to be financial independent but they are not forced to look for something to earn money.. It’s on their own will as today too I see majority of girls who are my batchmates, are well educated and still many of them decide to be a housewife..
I am talking about my Indian society..I am searching a video on these questions from long time now since I started exploring Ghamidi sahabs school of thought.
Like he always gives mind appealing response to everything.
Like the need for marrige he explains is quite mind blowing otherwise I used to get answers like marrige is form of legalizing intimate relations…Let’s see what answers do we get for this now…
These people are doing exceptionally great and noble work…
May Almighty reward them. -
Salaam brother Dawar
Yes , you make total sence that it’s the applied part of Allah’s edict that needs attention and correction.
Moreover, thank you for drawing my attention toward AskGhamdi app. I will do that if I ever feel the need to do so but for now you and your other team members are doing a great job of representing Mr Ghamdi . May Allah reward all of you for this great service. Ameen.
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Salaam brother Sameer
” we people have the tendency to cherry pick the favors that are result of a responsibility and forgetting the responsibility itself.”
You summed it up so well.
And yes indeed Mr Ghamdi’s responses are so mind appealing and logical. Religion didn’t hold much appeal to my mind for years because most scholars’ approach drives one away from religion. But Mr Ghamdi is the reason I turned towards religion. May Allah reward him and his entire team in a massive way for the massive service they are providing for people like me . Ameen
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Hi all. This is such a controversial topics that can be discussed forever.
In my opinion, Allah recommended the best model for a family institution. It is not a sin for an individual family to break the model as they think if another arrangement is better. Be warned though, sometimes humans try to be smarter than the creator. It takes a lifetime to try something and then a person may find out that he was not smarter than the creator. What is being suggested in this conversation and more, I tried over my lifetime and on every case I found out that I am not smarter than Allah. Now it is too late and I learned my lessons at a great cost.
Now I don’t question Allah’s guidance but try to better understand it.
I am surprised that it is assumed by both genders that following Allah’s recommended family organization mean woman can’t work, can’t be productive or can’t educate herself. Where does it state that in Islam?
Also as a man, I would love to give my responsibilities of earning money and taking care of the family and protecting the family and participating in war to women, while I can work on my career and keep all my earnings for my personal use.
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