-
Ties With Friends And Breaking Them
Is friendship a relationship that is included in the ties that God has ordered us to not break? Isn’t friendship our own choice? There are people I used to be best friends with but I don’t want to be with them anymore because of past conflicts even though I have forgiven them but I just can’t think of ever being with them again. I can only talk to them politely when they call me or give them little helps here and there if they ask for it and that’s about it. But if they invite me to some event of theirs such as a marriage, I will not go there because I am not comfortable going to their events
-
11 Replies
-
Ties With Friends And Breaking Them
updated 3 weeks, 5 days ago
4 Members
·
11
Replies
-
It is perfectly acceptable if you choose not to continue a relationship. If divorce is permitted to end a marriage when it no longer works, then ending a friendship is even more understandable.
-
What about the Hadith
“It is not lawful for a Muslim to abandon his (Muslim) brother beyond three nights; they meet so each turns away from the other, and the better of the two is the one who greets the other first.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Quran also emphasizes that if two groups of Muslim fight then make peace between them. 49:9
-
Probably more related to the ties set by God such as with siblings and parents etc. But in case of friends, being angrily untied from them and passing by them as if you never knew them, especially for no sound reason and just ego, that seems quite bad to me and sinful to me. But these are just my opinions according to my experience
Edited: Sorry, I think the Hadith is indeed related to all relations in general
-
The hadith does not tell to keep the company. You can avoid the company and greet them when you see them help them when they need.
-
Would blocking them come under abandonment? Like both of them had an argument and block each other, not greeting each other in an event etc but if they are able to help they would. Would this be sinful or impermissible? And what about the ayat to make peace
-
-
It is the same. You can block to avoid the virtual company. But when you see him or her, you should greet them and help them when they need.
-
I read somewhere that when you don’t talk to your fellow Muslim brother or sisters you are taking their rights like inviting to their happiness or going to them when they are sick etc is it true?
-
Yes this hadees is true and there are 5 to 6 rights of Muslim brother and sisters on each other mentioned there
But also keep in mind that islam does not force emotional intimacy
These are basic social courtesies meant to keep the community cohesion
Not “must do” in all and every situation
And on top of this you can never be a kind person if you are always overgiving yourself at the end of the day you’ll be exhausted and all together stop doing everything making you fall in guilt
So if something is really bothering your peace of heart and mind you need to analyze it from your perspective and also from others
Not just be overly kind to everyone
Keeping that boundry between prioritizing yourself and being unkind or arrogant is very difficult but obviously can be achieved
It took me so much time but here i am i can now easily distinguish between being overgiving and kind
Life isn’t meant to be stay positive all the time no matter what
It’s to keep the balance and not to fall in both extremes
(We can talk on another platform if u need more help)
-
Jazak’Allah Khair
What bothers me are the thoughts am I doing enough or what if I follow something and one day I come to known it was wrong all along…. There are so many opinions that it confuses me to determine the right path.
For e.g
If two person had an argument and they stopped talking when they meet in some public setting even tho they’ll greet each other both of them know that a tension exist between them. How can people pretend they are okay when they are not and Hadith says to not to turn away from each other for more than three days but sometimes forgiving someone isn’t that easy then just greeting each other how would that make the society cohesive
-
Bro let me tell u this logically so u can handle these kinda problems even in future too
When two people fight it triggers a fight/flight or freeze response there is a very small part in our brain called Amygdala(it’s responsibility is to detect for threats and danger and give signals to prepare our body) when humans fight and their emtions fluctuate it overrides our brain cognitive part called pre frontal cortex (it’s responsible for logic and reasoning)
When we fight our amygdala register it as threat cuz this part has been working since human came to existence so it’s 1st priority is to save us all other functions ability decreases
So our ability to think properly make sense of the situation and forgive and forcing resolution backfires
After the conflict our brain demands space so it can organize itself and make sense of things and regulate itself
So brother you being like this is completely normal and human response and Allah knows this better than anyone else
U r not being a bad person or a hypocrite for greeting your friend while not having positive view of him
This is emtional maturity not hypocrisy
When we are not ready internally and try to fake anything the next person can easily see through us cuz our body and mind aren’t syncing
Our brain takes time its slow when it comes to understating complex situations
U keep quoting that hadees it was a general hadees for everyone you have whole context of your situation. U don’t have to follow ahadees instead try to understand them
Thats why in these situations even companions of prophet and prophet himself never acted on emtions or impulsively rather sat with that discomfort and let it dissolve itself
U know what happened to prophet Muhammad pbuh when he went to the people of taif, they treated him so badly. Now ask yourself why he didn’t go back there? His responsibility as the last prophet was to give dawah how much stressed he would’ve been but did he go back? You know the answer.
Allah doesn’t test our positivity he tests our ability of how we handle situation without going to both extremes and staying compassionate with others and mist importantly ourselves
You aren’t being asked to forgive him to become friends again
This is it
Allah is testing you by putting u in this situation and he wanna see how you’d actually go through this how you’ll handle it
If ahadees were made on each and every situation there would’ve been millions of them
Ask yourself and try focusing inward on yourself what is your limit
And i don’t know the whole situation so I’ll refrain from giving advice but by what you’ve told me for now just be morally and emotionally composed and give your brain time to settle after sometime (it could be weeks or months depends on the situation)
I can promise u on this that you’ll be able to see things more clearly
Don’t ever ever make decision when your emotionally driven
There is this hadees:
Im not quoting it just a brief summary
Where Abu bakar and Umer had an argument after some time Abu bakar realized and came for reconciliation but umer refused abu bakar didn’t forced himself nor umer tried to overgive himself later umer when he was ready emtinally he wentt to prophet and abu bakar himself
Don’t worry you aren’t being a lair or hypocrite if u r greeting it’s restraint not denial
Rn try to understand yourself and keep distance
If u go half hearted the next person will notice it
So its better to keep distance just dont be rude or humiliate them or fight UNNECESSARILY again
I hope this helps u calm down
Stop being so hard on yourself
The best thing a person can do is be compassionate with their own self
Its okey no one is perfect
Pray for yourself and him also.
Rn you being worried about this situation is something many people don’t care thinking. Allah knows your intention just be true to yourself
-
Jazak’Allah Khair for your comforting words I’ll keep them in mind may Allah bless you
-
Sponsor Ask Ghamidi
