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Husband Divorcing Wife Without Even Giving Proper Chance Of Reconciliation
Assalamu alaikum, my husband left for Germany and promised me that he will ve back in 2years. Before our marriage we he knew that settiling outside of the country is not accepted to me. (it was NOT in nikah nama. But was known to him).
Yet he choose to go to Germany as he had to payback his fathers loan. Before going it was a oral promise from him that he will be back in 2years. Long story short he statrted to avoid me gradually and I also felt fedup. One day I could not take it any more and gave him a heated message. He disconnected all the conbections with me and after 3 months suddenly gave me a divorce letter. Bfire sendibg it neither he tried to talk to me and shared with me a reason properly. So I didn’t get the chances of reconcilation that as per quran are the pre steps of divorce. Even after sending the paper flew away agai. to Germany and did not even bother to pick my call. As a family we tried a lot for reconciliation his parnets insulted me and lied about me. Even before planning this divorce he shared half truth about me with his friend circles in such a way that nobody helped me. He didn’t tell them that his promise was to come back. Rather told everyone the half story.If he discussed these with me instead of them I could try to resolve them. Whatever reason he had ne never shared with me properly.
Now, isn’t it using me in his insolvent time and tgrowing me away in his solvency? I had to sacrifice a lot due to their loan and waited 6 years for thid day of financial solvency. And the moment he got this he forgot my sacrifices. Whatever reason he had divorcing me in such a way isn’t it betrayal to my trust? My father entrusted me with him. Isn’t it treachery to that amanah?
In worldly law he doesn’t need to provide justication but to Allah can I ask for justice and their punishment for breaking my trust and harming me and my family in such a way that we perhaps did not deserve? I cannot forgive my ex husband his father, his mother and other people who were related to this. I trusted this man, I ensured me he will be back several times. Yet he gave me no chance to reconciliation.
There is no way to proove emotional scars to anyone but Allah can see them .
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5 Replies
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Husband Divorcing Wife Without Even Giving Proper Chance Of Reconciliation
updated 1 week, 3 days ago
3 Members
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5
Replies
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This is indeed injustice and every person will one day be accountable for all his deeds.
Please keep in mind that this world is created on the principle of tests and trials. So we all are being tested in one way or another in this world; so we need to stay steadfast and show patience while being tested. Have faith in God and show resilience through the testing times and many times, things turn around for the person in this very world, who showed patience during tough times. And in the hereafter, absolute justice will be done.
Read Quran and understand how God tests even his prophets at times and their followers. This test is bound to end one day, and successful are those who faced this test with complete faith, patience and steadfastness. And the ones who committed injustice and evil will be answerable for their deeds and will have to pay for their evil doings. Not even intentional emotional scars given to the other person can skip from the absolute justice of God.
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Assalamu alaikum, dear sister.
I can sense the depth of your pain and betrayal. However, I want to gently remind you that holding onto anger and resentment can consume you. Forgiveness is a process, and it may take time.
I encourage you to consider forgiveness, not for your ex-husband’s sake, but for yours.
Forgiveness can bring healing and liberation. Allah sees your emotional scars, and He will judge those who have wronged you.
Remember, the sooner you forgive and heal, the better it will be for your well-being and your relationship with Allah.
May Allah grant you peace, comfort, and guidance. Ameen.
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@Sohail it is a unbearable pain. It will be a unbearable pain.
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It will be a unbearable pain – until it is not. Change is the only constant – happiness or pain.
I would like to think God has a better plan for you.
Forgive, heal and move on to better things. You will eventually, the sooner the better for you (personal experiences – many!)
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Here are some phases people may experience during recovery from a bad marriage where they feel wronged:
Phase 1: Shock, Denial, and Relief (0-3 months)
– Initial shock and numbness after the separation or divorce- Denial about the reality of the situation- Feeling relieved that the toxic relationship has endedPhase 2: Emotional Turmoil (3-6 months)
– Intense emotions: anger, sadness, guilt, shame, and anxiety- Rumination about past conflicts and hurtful incidents- Feeling victimized and wronged by the ex-partnerPhase 3: Self-Blame and Doubt (6-12 months)
– Questioning one’s own judgment and decisions in the relationship- Feeling guilty for not recognizing the problems sooner- Doubting one’s own worth and ability to make good choicesPhase 4: Anger and Indignation (6-18 months)
– Feeling angry and resentful towards the ex-partner- Sense of injustice and indignation about the past treatment- Desire for validation and acknowledgment of the wrongdoingPhase 5: Acceptance and Understanding (1-2 years)
– Gradual acceptance of the past and the relationship’s demise- Increased understanding of the ex-partner’s flaws and limitations- Recognition of one’s own strengths and resiliencePhase 6: Healing and Rebuilding (1-3 years)
– Focus on physical, emotional, and mental healing- Rebuilding self-esteem, confidence, and sense of identity- Exploring new interests, hobbies, and relationshipsPhase 7: Closure and Forgiveness (2-5 years)
– Emotional closure and acceptance of the past- Forgiveness of oneself and the ex-partner (not necessarily reconciliation)- Ability to reflect on the experience with wisdom and insightKeep in mind that everyone’s healing process is unique, and the duration of each phase can vary. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate the recovery journey.
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