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Fear Around Touching To Be Mother In Law, Hurmat E Musahrat
As Salam u alaikum,
My question is that there are some ahadith of I guess sahaba that tell that doing Zina with a woman outside marriage makes her mother and daughter Haram forever just like proper nikah, some sahaba say it happens only with consumption after nikah. This revolves around after the sexual act either with nikah or with Zina….
The second case is about touching but getting a lust during touch. If a man had done handshake with his going to be mother in law. Is now under thoughts that what if while doing handshake with mother in law, what if mother in law felt lust thought or not…. And he feels fearful around future mother in law due to this fear of what if during handshake some lust and arousal comes for a second. Is there any sahaba saying or Hadith which says that touching (or looking at parts) with lust will establish hurmate musahrat…?
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8 Replies
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Fear Around Touching To Be Mother In Law, Hurmat E Musahrat
updated 11 hours, 13 minutes ago
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Replies
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Wa alaikum assalam.This issue often creates unnecessary waswasa because classical fiqh discussions are taken out of context and then mixed with anxiety. It’s important to look at this calmly, both Islamically and psychologically.It is true that some classical scholars differed on whether zina or lustful touching creates hurmat-e-musaharat. However, many scholars — including companions and major schools — held the view that haram actions do not make halal relationships haram. According to this understanding, only a valid nikah establishes permanent marriage prohibitions. A sin cannot carry the same legal weight as a sacred contract.Regarding your specific fear: a handshake, accidental touch, or a brief involuntary feeling does not establish any prohibition. When scholars spoke about “lustful touching,” they meant intentional sexual intimacy, not normal social interactions or involuntary bodily reactions.It’s also very important to understand the human side of this. The body sometimes reacts automatically to touch or presence — that is a biological response, not a moral decision. Islam does not hold people accountable for involuntary thoughts, fleeting sensations, or momentary feelings. Accountability is based on intentional actions and deliberate choices, not on what happens without your control.If you panic, suppress these thoughts, or label yourself sinful, they will keep returning more strongly. The healthier approach is to acknowledge them calmly and move on: “This was just biology, not my intention.” Allah created human beings this way, and He does not punish people for being human.So please don’t live in fear around your future mother-in-law or anyone else. A handshake does not invalidate a marriage, and these thoughts do not make you sinful. Islam is meant to bring clarity and ease, not constant anxiety.
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Yes sister but there’s also a legal side of issue that talks in principles. That’s why anxiety comes. Yes I may not felt lust… But what if my mother in law for a moment felt? That’s why I wanted to know that what is the correct Islamic stance about lustful touch, as it would remove the full root of fear and thinking about past events and rewinding them in mind.
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There is no ruling on the prohibition or permanent prohibition of a woman or invalidation of nikah with a woman whose mother/ daughter is touched with lust or has sex with. Mahnoor Tariq explained the problem very well.
Do not give weight to your thoughts. It is OCD that makes an unreal scenario seem real.
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@Irfan76 and sir there are a few sayings mentioned by hanafi scholars
Ibn Abi Shaybah narrated in al-Musannaf (3/479-480) with his isnaads that ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) undressed his slave woman, then one of his sons asked to marry her, and he said: She is not permissible for you.
It was narrated from ‘Amr ibn Shu‘ayb, from his father, from his grandfather, that he undressed one of his slave women, then one of his sons asked to marry her and he said: She is not permissible for you.
And some riwayah associated with prophet that says in meaning that if a person has seen the inside of vagina of a woman then he shouldn’t marry her daughter or mother.
Sir what is the reality of these sayings?
Lastly sir, in surah nisa 23. The words used are “ila dakhaltu.. ” Now what does it mean? Some scholars say the full act of sexual relations, some say it means act of intimacy (which can be of the low level also, such as touch), and ghamidi Sahab used the word khalwat…
So what does the word mean in this context and what does ghamidi Sahab mean by “khalwat”? Does he include touching also in it? Or just the final act of sex?
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Relation with slave girl was an established relation then just like with wife. Therefore it was not allowed for son to have relation with father’s slave girl Ans vice versa. The narrations do not provide the full picture therefore they can become an independent source of an independent Hukm.
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@Irfan76 sir what is the illat behind prohibition of marriage with one father’s wife?
If the illat is that she had physical coitus with father and it’s now immoral to sleep with someone with whom father has slept.
Then wouldn’t the same illat be seen with someone whom father committed Zina with? A woman slept with father and now is sleeping with son etc.
Sir secondly, a hanafi scholar gave an example that if for example a man commits Zina with a woman, then a daughter is born out of this contact. Then how can he marry that daughter girl when she had been born our of his own body. Then in the same sense how can he marry the mother of woman whom he had Zina, when he can’t marry this daughter of woman with whom he had Zina etc… This example made me feel like indecisive and on a two way road…
Can you help me understand sir
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This is called Ijtihad. So you can decide that the daughter or mother of a woman one has committed adultery with is haram. It is acceptable.
The illat behind forbidding nikah with father’s wife is that no rivalry should arise between father and son for a woman, and no woman should look at her stepson as a possible husband.
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@Irfan76 but sir the illat that you suggested. Would not be there in case the father dies and son marries the previous wife of father that is not his mother. But Quran prohibited it in surah nisa ayat 22, as ghamidi sahab told, that Arabs used to marry the wives of their father after their death and even in some cases the wives were distributed as heritage. So quran prohibited it etc as ghamidi sahab told
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