If a husband is not fulfilling his duties and fails in discharging rights of a wife properly, then of course state being the ultimate head of the society can snub him, punish him or take any appropriate measures to bring him to his senses.

قُلْ إِنَّـمَا حَرَّمَ رَبِّيَ الْفَوَاحِشَ مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا وَمَا بَطَنَ وَالإِثْمَ وَالْبَغْيَ بِغَيْرِ الْـحَقِّ وَأَن تُشْرِكُوْا بِاللّهِ مَا لَـمْ يُنَزِّلْ بِهِ سُلْطَانًا وَأَن تَقُولُوْا عَلَى اللّهِ مَا لاَ تَعْلَمُوْنَ.

Tell [them]: “My Lord has only forbidden all lewd acts, whether overt or hidden and usurping the rights of others and wrongful oppression [1] and that you worship with Him what He did not sanction and that you fabricate something about God what you know not.” (7:33)

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَنْ تُؤَدُّوا الْأَمَانَاتِ إِلَى أَهْلِهَا وَإِذَا حَكَمْتُمْ بَيْنَ النَّاسِ أَنْ تَحْكُمُوا بِالْعَدْلِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ نِعِمَّا يَعِظُكُمْ بِهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ سَمِيعًا بَصِيرًا (٥٨:٤)

God commands you to hand over the trusts to their rightful owners and to always pass judgement upon men with fairness. Verily this is from God an excellent admonition. For God is He who hears and sees all things. (4:58)

These verses make it clear that usurping anyone’s rights / oppression is haram and a sinful act; in the latter verse, the state has been ordered to provide justice to the aggrieved parties with utmost fairness. This is the real responsibility of a state as per Quran. So if a wife is deprived of her rights and husband transgresses his position, then it is responsibility of state to interfere and make sure that wife is given her due rights and husband’s transgressions being dealt with properly.

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[1] Qualifying the word “oppression” with “wrongful” is meant to portray its heinous nature. It does not mean that there are some types of oppression which are not wrongful. Every type of oppression is wrongful per se. Thus this word is also used to qualify the crime of killing prophets of God.

Blaming others would only result in reactionary psychology and would do more harm than good. We should instead expend more of our time and energy in educating all the classes of the society, to the best of our ability, to understand the true essence of religion and also helping them easily understand the religion itself; and to clear any misconceptions they must’ve had about the religion.

There will always be disagreements between people regarding different ideologies and differing interpretations of those ideologies. But attempts should be made that those disagreements are not based on misunderstandings of a certain concept. In my humble opinion, the misunderstanding in this case arises when we see the relationship of husband and wife in the context of current concept of equality and current relationships prevalent in the societies. Islam purports equality, but the foundation of that equality is based on innate qualities a gender possesses in general, this article [1] might help you in right understanding of our point of view. As long as you understand the concepts portrayed in their true spirit, you have every right to disagree with them.

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[1] “Men and women are the two building blocks of the smallest unit of the society: the family. The Almighty has made them such that they complement one another. In other words, they are not duplicates of one another; they are different from each other. By complement is meant that they complete certain voids present in each other. This also is precisely why they need one another to form a family. The Quran says that for a healthy society, both sexes should acknowledge each other’s inborn qualities and characteristics and not become jealous:

And in no way covet those things in which Allah has bestowed you His gifts more freely on some of you than on others: Men shall be given a share from what they earn and women shall be given a share from what they earn, and ask Allah of His bounty. For Allah has full knowledge of all things. (4:32)

In other words, what the Quran is implying here is that the real sphere of competition is not natural abilities for they have been bestowed by the Almighty; it is the sphere in which one uses these abilities to earn for one’s self some reward in the Hereafter in which men and women should strive and compete with each other.

After spelling out the correct attitude in this regard, the Qur’ān, goes on to say:

Men are the guardians of women because Allah has given one superiority over the other and because they [— men —] support them from their means. (4:34)

According to this verse, men are more suited to head a family because of the fact that they are physically and temperamentally more suited. This suitability has been ingrained in their nature by the Almighty. Their physical strength and mental disposition make them more appropriate of the two to carry out this responsibility. The word qawwām (guardian) combines in it the concepts of physical protection and moral responsibility.

The second reason pointed out by this verse for this choice is that on a man lies the responsibility of earning for his wife and children. It is but natural for one who financially maintains and looks after the individuals entrusted to him to be at the helm of their affairs. In this regard, however, it must remain clear that Islam does not forbid women to earn a living. It has only freed them from the responsibility of earning, which lies upon men. It also needs to be understood that the verse does not say that the one among the husband or wife who supports the family should become the head;. husbands, whether their wives earn or not, are liable for this responsibility. A women may earn if she likes or if some need arises, but since she has not been entrusted with this duty she has not been given the governing position in the family.

The verse, it should remain in consideration, very clearly states that men’s superiority to women is not absolute; it is only relative and confined to certain spheres. Consequently, there are certain spheres in which women by nature — physical, physiological as well as psychological — are far superior to men and much more suitable to do certain tasks.”

(Dr. Shehzad Saleem)

I think state-citizen analogy helps better understand Ghamidi Sahab’s point. A single breaking of a law doesn’t make a citizen rebellious. It is a continuous flouting of law and an attitude of anarchy and openly challenging the state which renders a citizen rebel. Similarly, following all the wishes and whims of Husband is not what is required of a wife, there comes a point where it is clear that beyond that point, the family will break apart (A very crude but practical example would be when a wife starts openly cheating on her husband). In normal circumstances, a person after assessing the circumstances, would choose to part his way from his wife. But since the relationship of marriage has been institutionalized because of the reasons that appeal to common intellect [1] , therefore, in case when there are children and because of some rebellious attitude, their upbringing and future comes at stake, only in such dire circumstances is physical admonishment allowed and not as a first step but only after following a series of protocol. If you look more deeply into this, the actual spirit and context of the verse has been completely ignored. The verse in question sought to address a widespread practice that has remained, and continues to remain, common in all societies, including the West. Cases of domestic abuse are rampant in places like the United States and Europe. Hence, the Quranic language sought to discourage men from partaking in this type of behavior, premised on anger, by requiring them to take certain steps before resorting to physical contact. The central idea being that in a moment of anger a man may suddenly strike his wife, but if he is instructed to pursue other measures first he attains sufficient time to cool his temper and come to his senses. The husband is instructed to reason with his wife, speak to her gently, then if this does not work to leave her bed or separate from her for a time and, finally, if all else fails, to resort to some physical contact to signify his displeasure. With each step, the husband is required to exhaust all possible avenues before moving to the next step.This physical chastisement is similar to the one a mother gives to a rebellious son or the one a teacher gives to an unruly student. A person must be aware that in case he misuses this authority in any way, he would be held responsible before the Almighty on the Day of Judgement. In this world also, his wife has the right to report his behavior to the authorities who can punish him for any misconduct in this regard. It also needs to be considered that all rights must be exercised with prudence keeping in view the circumstances. Exercising one’s right is never obligatory. There can be circumstances in which a person chooses not to exercise this right.

Ghamidi Sahab is also of the view that state has every right to reserve the right of admonishing rebellious wife to itself just like state has right to punish a husband for any misconduct on his behalf.

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[1] It is a common observation that every human individual born on this earth has to remain dependent on a number of relationships throughout his lifetime and without these he cannot embark on the tempestuous voyage of his life. In the prime of his youth, he might consider himself to be the king of the world but during his childhood and old age he needs the love and affection of the near ones which must not cease with time. In both these periods of life, he must be looked after by those who have warmth and compassion for him. In other words, his life demands relationships which should be permanent in nature so that his parents, children, brothers and sisters — all can play their role in his life. Keeping in view this all important aspect, Islam lays its social structure on the basis of a permanent relationship between a man and a woman. This relationship comes into existence in the form of an everlasting marriage bond and the two constitute the basic ingredients of a family. On the permanence and well being of the institution of the family stands the whole fabric of a society. In other words, if this institution looses its stability, the whole society is shaken from its roots and reduced to a state of communal anarchy. Islam wants to preserve this set-up as much as possible. For this very reason, the Prophet (sws) has regarded the severing of marital ties in the form of divorce as a most unpleasant happening. The right granted to a husband to physically admonish his wife in a certain situation is a last resort to preserve this set-up. It needs to be appreciated that this right has been given to the husband as the head of the family. As such, it is a requisite of authority. In other words, it is not ‘gender specific’ it is ‘authority specific’, that is whoever has the authority to head a family must be given this right. In other words, had a wife been made the head of the family, she would have had this right.

That lady is responsible for her own response, I am trying to convey how Ghamidi Sahab understood these verses along with the reasons behind His understanding and how I find those reasons logical.