Educating children about their sexuality is a very sensitive issue and must be handled very carefully. In today’s world, they come to know about such things even before they reach puberty. So keeping in view this situation they should be educated on this when parents feel that they are developing feelings for the opposite gender.

First and foremost, children should be told that the appearance of sexual urge at puberty or adolescence is a natural phenomenon. Thus boys or girls who find this urge in themselves at this stage should neither feel guilty nor afraid. It is the way God has made us that at a certain period of our life cycle we begin to have sexual feelings for the opposite gender. Nocturnal emission is the natural way in which the body responds to release the sexual urge that arises in it.

This urge can perhaps be classified as internally produced and as externally stimulated. In the society we live in, external sexual stimuli are so potent and so rampant that they greatly augment the internally produced urge. The result is that boys and girls at this age generally experience an intense and frequent sexual urge.

Now, according to divine religions, the proper way to satisfy one’s sexual urge is through marriage. However, in most social set-ups it is almost impossible to marry as soon as one reaches puberty. Therefore, the question arises that what should un-married boys and girls do to satisfy this urge. Following are some suggestions which might be useful in this regard.

1. Children should be advised to remain in as morally pure an atmosphere as possible. The starting point for this is that they should guard the eyes from taking undue liberty. Besides other measures, they should avoid content and situations which are provocative in any way as much as possible. Any mistake in this regard should be followed by repentance and seeking refuge with the Almighty. It is only with His blessings that one can counter such difficult situations.

2. They should exercise care in meeting or talking to the opposite gender in seclusion. They should also be careful in indulging in loose talk with them. Such gossip and loose talk often pave the way to stimulating the sexual urge.

3. Children should be urged to fast periodically, as this is helpful in controlling the sexual urge. The Prophet (sws) has recommended this measure.

4. Parents should guide children in developing a deep relationship with God by being very diligent in the prayer. According to the Qur’ān (29:45), the bond with God through the prayer helps a person in combating lust and indecency.

5. One way to keep one’s sexual desires in check is to engage in healthy mental, physical and social activities which help a person channelize his or her energy on constructive lines. The more idle a person is the more prone he may become to giving in to sexual impulses. So parents should guide children that the more they protect themselves from provocative situations and stimuli, the more are the chances of over-coming the sexual urge through will-power whenever it may grip them.

6. They can also sublimate their urge through masturbation. There is no Qur’ānic verse or Hadith which prohibits it. Obviously, children should be educated not to go near pornography but they should also be told that they should not feel guilty if they release this urge, if it overpowers them, through self-gratification. In this regard, our social and religious pressures have generated a wrong view about the prohibition of masturbation. (For details on this issue, see: http://monthly-renaissance.com/issue/content.aspx?id=1242

Dr. Shehzad Saleem