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Expensive Gift From Inlaws
I got married in Jan 2021. We as a family have been strictly against dowry and have refused whenever our in-laws tried to gift us anything. A few weeks before the marriage, my in-laws informed they had booked a very expensive car as a marriage gift. Again my family had the same stance that it’s not needed and it’s better to cancel the booking or sell the car since we aren’t the sort who drive around in such luxury. Unfortunately that was not done and a month after the marriage that car has arrived.
We were not informed of this development and now my wife also wants to keep that car since it’s been her dream to have her own car. My issue is that it’s just extremely extravagant and does not fit into the lifestyle I have, plus it’s a sign of elitism to drive around in such a car. It’s still parked at my Inlaws.
I don’t want the car to spoil my marriage but everytime it’s mentioned I just get upset since its something that’s against my principles of living life in moderation. Can anyone guide whats the best course of action?
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6 Replies
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Expensive Gift From Inlaws
updated 3 years, 9 months ago
6 Members
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6
Replies
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I will suggest you to allow your wife to drive it and dont use it yourself. Otherwise, it will create friction in your life from the begining.
@faisalharoon sb @Yaseen @UmerQureshi
Can you kindly provide your perspective about it? -
Dowry is considered a social menace because it is demanded by the husband and his family, explicitly or implied; other than that, I don’t see any reason why parents should be frowned upon for giving a farewell gift to their daughter out of their own freewill and happiness. I think its better if you adjust to the situation instead of forcing your wife to not use a gift given by her parents.
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The car is given to you and your wife by her parents as a gift. First of all, from the seerah of prophet Muhammad SAW we know that he accepted gifts and encouraged us to exchange gifts as well. Secondly, please keep in mind that they’re your wife’s parents. If they want to give her (or you or your children) anything, you should respect that. If you want to lead a humble life, that’s very understandable. However in that case, you could have communicated your preference for a moderate car instead of a luxury car when they first informed you about it. Besides outright rejecting a gift is not very humble in my opinion. Lastly, elitism, egalitarianism, and populism are political philosophies. You should consider if your political preferences are more important to you than your marriage. As you grow older, your world view (and most probably your political preferences) are bound to change. However, if you allow friction in your married life from the get go, you might have to pay a price for it for the rest of your life. As a final suggestion, I would request you to rise above ego and emotions, think empathetically, and then make your decision. God bless!
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Firstly I think Allah will have no problem accepting the gift.
Secondly it will make your wife happy, which will make Allah happy. You will have a better married life.
You can use that whenever your and your wife are traveling together, otherwise you can travel on your own car.
When ever you drive that car, you can thank God for his blessings because its only Allah’s blessing otherwise nobody can buy these cars.
You have shown self respect that is very good but you are a better judge if not accepting is somehow boosting your ego now. You will not be a smaller person if you accept that car, your friends may tease you a little but what are friends for.
If your inlaws have any intention of getting power on you or any other false intention then simple dont accept but if they are giving their daughter the gift in true happiness then accept.
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In the name of Allah, the most beneficent.
There are good advices already shared. My perspective is similar. I appreciate that you want to know what I think. That is a great respect you endowed upon me which is too much for me to bear.
Battle of the principles is as old as humanity. In the life of a humble person, there is an ongoing argument with themselves which principle to uphold.
I find, for myself, that the principle of harmony and love should stand above all. If forsaking a personal principle for the sake of harmony is a choice then go for it. This act also shows respect for the other and their choices.
Then again, things are things and the “expression upon” things is subjective. They change with time and culture. What shouldn’t change is the respect and love for the spouse.
The next question arises.
Why should my principle prevail over other’s? Is it that my principle of personal understanding is better than the one that the spouse espouses? Letting go of things that are not haraam is the best way forward. This is not a comprise at all. This is elevation over things that should not define us or cause a rift.
The importance or label on a thing is given by our mind. If today, I choose to label it differently then what is going to stop me? Should I not partake in the choice of my wife and be happy in it? If I accept what she chose will that not make her closer to me? Isn’t harmony and love of primary relevance in marriage? Shouldn’t I prove that I am not stubborn? Shouldn’t I be the one proving that I will stand by you, for you, first?
In the end, there will be counter arguments to what I said and then final verdict will lie in the heart.
Stay blessed, always.
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Thank you everyone who took time out to respond. You have all given me a lot to think about. Whereas accepting it wholeheartedly will take a lot of time, i will try my best to stay neutral for the time being.
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