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Quran 4:34 – Beating The Wife
This is perhaps the only verse (Surah Nisa: 34) of the Qur’an which I have had a hard time digesting.
Having listened to Javed sahab on this matter, I understand that
a) Beating one’s wife can only be a course of action if she has rebelled. This is not the same as disagreeing or even mere disobedience.
b) This is only an option which becomes available if, in trying to save his marriage, the husband has exhausted all other options.
Javed sahab repeatedly compares this rebellion with that of a child to his parents. I frankly find this comparison unfair. Because, for example, a CEO’s relationship with a manager in his company cannot be equated with his relationship with a normal employee even though technically he is both their bosses.
Secondly, I fail to understand how a wife can have a sudden change of heart by a few slaps (since there is no room for violence). Because if a woman has rebelled, it means that she has lost interest and feelings in and for her husband. So if talking it out and separating beds with her hasn’t straightened her, then I can’t see how hitting her will.
One might suggest that in order to save the marriage, if a husband has to use some force, there is no harm in that or that the reward will be greater than the risk. However, I disagree with this as there is a great potential for husbands to exceed their limits and use force in a violent way leaving not only physical scars, but psychological humiliation of the woman as well. Which is why I am having a difficult time digesting this verse as it can very easily lead to excessive violence.
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7 Replies
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Quran 4:34 – Beating The Wife
updated 1 week, 2 days ago
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Replies
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There is no need to lightly beat the wife, the option of simply divorcing is always open. Regarding Islam allowing beating wife as a last resort to save marriage doesn’t make a person regularly beat a wife, because it would happen one time and if it doesn’t resolve the issue the next step is divorce. Look at other cultures, religions and countries. Men frequently beat wife and women… Why? It is just a stronger person abusing or suppressing a weaker persin. Just as stronger men or women suppress other weaker men and women. It is nothing to do with Islam. Actually Islam stops that abuse…if followed.
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Sir my issue with this option being mentioned explicitly in the Qur’an is that it seems to go against a principle of our Deen which is to prohibit things because they may lead to something which is prohibited (sadd e zaria). By allowing the husband to beat his wife, isn’t the Qur’an opening the way for violent beating no matter the intension of Allah being to save the marriage? Isn’t this a 180° deviation from the principle of sadd e zaria whereby certain acts are prohibited not because they’re wrong on their own, but because they can lead to something which is wrong?
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Brother Irfan. Let me give you an example. We made guns for wars and the law is that only in case of war you can use the guns to kill enemy. Guns are great in this case and the law is perfect.
Now if a few solders decide to break the law and decide to kill anyone, even civilians from the enemy country without even a war. In this case would we say, why we made the gun or the law. It opened the door for abuse? No!
So please look at the law separately from the abuse. Say the law is great. And then find ways to avoid abuse of law.
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You can’t compare guns with wife beating. Husband and wife are companions if one doesn’t feel like living with the other anymore and has become rebellious then there is no need to punish or slap. Yes divorce is always there but wife beating being explicitly mentioned in Quran seems to create doubts in reader’s mind. If your wife has become rebellious just divorce her because if she really cared about the marriage or children she wouldn’t have turned that way in the first place. When making her understand through dialogue or even not sleeping with make can’t make her loyal to you then beating can never be an answer. If after you beat your wife and she somehow decides to listen to you then this is clearly forcing your wife or any human to do something against their will which is totally unfair. I hope you will understand my point.
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…child to his parents. I frankly find this comparison unfair.
There’s no reason to find it unfair when you understand the depth of what’s at stake. Is it fair to the husband or the children that the wife has rebelled against her own family, is still living with them, but is not interested in their well-being?
I fail to understand how a wife can have a sudden change of heart
As regular human beings we might fail to see the intricacies of human behavior that God obviously knows. Unless there’s any scientific research in this regard proving that this step is worthless, there’s no reason to doubt it.
…there is a great potential for husbands to exceed their limits
It’s true that a husband might exceed his limits, however, there’s society to protect the rights of the wife. What protection does the family have against a rebellious wife / mother? Divorce is definitely an option, but many lives get affected or even destroyed as a result.
Isn’t this a 180° deviation from the principle of sadd e zaria
The principle of preventive measures or sadd e zariya is only applicable before a sin or a crime is committed. Here the rebellion has already been committed.
Ghamidi sahab has explained this topic from every angle. Please refer to the following posts:
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Hope Ghamdi Sahab will revisit his answers
Here is my research
Respectfully I Disagree with Ghamdi sahab:
He interpreted both the Reference incorrectly.
1- He Refers Surah An-Nisa (4:34)
“الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ”
Ghamdi Sahab misinterpreted to mean that men have rulership (حکمران) over women. However, the term “قَوَّامُونَ” is derived from ق-و-م (qiwama), which means to maintain, protect, or support, not to dominate or rule.
• Evidence from the Verse:
1. Surah An-Nisa (4:34) “بِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ”). Men are tasked with financial responsibility
2.Surah An-Nisa (4:135)
“يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا كُونُوا قَوَّامِينَ بِالْقِسْطِ”
•Meaning: “O you who believe! Be steadfast in justice.”
2- Misinterpretation of “وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ” in Surah An-Nisa (4:34)
The word “وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ”, as the Quranic usage of the root ض-ر-ب and prophetic guidance reveals that the Quran does not advocate violence against women.•But uses as Metaphorical Meanings of “وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ”:
• Separate or distance: In line with other Quranic uses, such as in Surah Al-Kahf (18:11), where “فَضَرَبْنَا عَلَىٰ آذَانِهِمْ” refers to “putting them to sleep,” indicating a non-physical action.
1-Surah Al-Baqarah (2:273)
“يَضْرِبُونَ فِي الْأَرْضِ”• Meaning: “Travel through the land.• Context: Refers to people who go about the earth in pursuit of livelihood or knowledge.
Surah An-Nahl (16:75)
“ضَرَبَ اللَّهُ مَثَلًا”•
Meaning: “Allah sets forth an example.”•
Context: Used for the act of presenting a parable or analogy.
Surah Al-Kahf (18:11)
“فَضَرَبْنَا عَلَىٰ آذَانِهِمْ”•
Meaning: “We covered their ears (caused them to sleep).”• Context: Describes the People of the Cave being put into a deep sleep by Allah.
Surah Al-Hadid (57:13)
“فَضُرِبَ بَيْنَهُم بِسُورٍ”•
Meaning: “A wall will be placed between them.”•
Context: Refers to the separation of believers and hypocrites on the Day of Judgment.
Surah Al-Baqarah (2:26)
“إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يَسْتَحْيِي أَن يَضْرِبَ مَثَلًا”•
Meaning: “Allah is not ashamed to set forth an example.”•
Context: Used in the context of Allah providing parables to make concepts clear.
Conclusion
The Quran never advocates for male rulership over women or violence against them.
1. “الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ” establishes men as protectors and maintainers due to specific functional responsibilities, not as rulers.
2. “وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ” is best understood metaphorically, as separation or symbolic disapproval, supported by the Quran’s linguistic usage and prophetic practice.
3. The Quran consistently emphasizes justice, kindness, and compassion in relationships, negating any interpretation that justifies harm or subjugation.
The misinterpretations arise from cultural biases and tafaseer that do not align with the Quran’s spirit of equality and justice. The proper understanding of these verses reaffirms that Islam upholds dignity and mutual respect for both men and women.
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The relationship between a husband and wife is fundamentally different from that of a parent and child. Parents bring children into the world, and in their early years, children are entirely dependent on them. Despite this, parents are not permitted to be violent toward their children, as it is widely considered a crime in many societies. Even when children become adults, parents do not exert authority over them, as basic human ethics dictate that no individual has the right to violate another’s dignity or personal autonomy. Punishment, in any civilized system, is only administered through an established legal framework—not at the discretion of a single person.
Similarly, in a marital relationship, the husband does not hold authority over his wife; rather, he carries the responsibility of maintaining the household and ensuring her well-being. A husband, as an individual, has no right to violate his wife’s dignity under any circumstances because she is an equal human being. This is evident by considering the reverse scenario: if men were placed in a subordinate position, they themselves would not accept such treatment.
Ghamidi Sahab have drawn a parallel between the role of a husband and that of a state (riyasat), implying that just as a state governs its citizens, a husband governs his wife. However, this analogy is flawed for several reasons:
A State Is Governed by a Collective System, Not an IndividualA state is not ruled by a single individual; rather, it operates through a structured system involving multiple decision-makers, such as a cabinet and governing bodies. Even a prime minister does not act unilaterally; decisions are made through consultation. If a husband and wife are running a household together, then both must be considered equally respectable decision-makers.
Laws in a State Are Mutually Established and Universally AppliedThe rules within a state are formulated collectively, not by the prime minister alone. Moreover, any violations of these rules are dealt with through a structured judicial process, applying the same laws to all individuals, whether they are citizens, cabinet members, or even the prime minister himself. The prime minister does not have the right to personally punish any individual. If this is the standard for governance, how can it be argued that a husband, acting alone, has the authority to discipline his wife?A marriage is not a hierarchical institution where one partner is in control while the other is merely a subordinate. A boss owns and runs an institution, while an employee simply follows instructions. This is not how a household functions. Similarly, a marriage is not like a parent-child relationship, where one party has a natural authority over the other due to differences in age and dependency. In a marriage, both partners contribute equally to the household, and a wife, especially as a mother, holds immense respect within the family structure.
Given this, it is illogical to assume that Allah would allow an individual to punish someone who is equally respectable. No individual has the right to administer punishment on their own authority. In human societies, absolute individual authority is recognized as dictatorship and oppression, which is why democratic systems, based on collective decision-making, are favored. A leader is given responsibility, not unchecked power, and if they fail in their duties, they are held accountable. This principle applies within a household as well. A husband is appointed as qawwam (caretaker), not as an authoritarian ruler.
It is also important to understand why men were chosen as qawwan. This role is often misunderstood as implying that women are incapable of leadership, which is not the case. Instead, Allah has assigned women a unique and divine responsibility—the physical and emotional nurturing of future generations. Women not only bring life into this world but also shape the consciousness and intellect of their children. This responsibility demands mental peace and a stress-free environment to be carried out effectively.
To ensure this, Allah assigned men the responsibilities that could be stressful and potentially distract women from their crucial role. If a husband himself becomes a source of distress for his wife, he has failed in his fundamental duty. A man is responsible for providing security, not for exercising control. Any form of violence against one’s wife is a direct contradiction of this responsibility and is, therefore, impermissible.
Considering the nature and responsibilities of both men and women, it is inconceivable that Allah would allow any form of violence against a wife under any circumstances. The most a man can do, if a situation becomes untenable, is to part ways with his wife in a manner that preserves her dignity. Any action beyond this violates the principles of justice, respect, and the fundamental ethics that govern human relationships.
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