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Quran 4:34 – Beating The Wife
This is perhaps the only verse (Surah Nisa: 34) of the Qur’an which I have had a hard time digesting.
Having listened to Javed sahab on this matter, I understand that
a) Beating one’s wife can only be a course of action if she has rebelled. This is not the same as disagreeing or even mere disobedience.
b) This is only an option which becomes available if, in trying to save his marriage, the husband has exhausted all other options.
Javed sahab repeatedly compares this rebellion with that of a child to his parents. I frankly find this comparison unfair. Because, for example, a CEO’s relationship with a manager in his company cannot be equated with his relationship with a normal employee even though technically he is both their bosses.
Secondly, I fail to understand how a wife can have a sudden change of heart by a few slaps (since there is no room for violence). Because if a woman has rebelled, it means that she has lost interest and feelings in and for her husband. So if talking it out and separating beds with her hasn’t straightened her, then I can’t see how hitting her will.
One might suggest that in order to save the marriage, if a husband has to use some force, there is no harm in that or that the reward will be greater than the risk. However, I disagree with this as there is a great potential for husbands to exceed their limits and use force in a violent way leaving not only physical scars, but psychological humiliation of the woman as well. Which is why I am having a difficult time digesting this verse as it can very easily lead to excessive violence.
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5 Replies
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Quran 4:34 – Beating The Wife
updated 2 years, 6 months ago
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There is no need to lightly beat the wife, the option of simply divorcing is always open. Regarding Islam allowing beating wife as a last resort to save marriage doesn’t make a person regularly beat a wife, because it would happen one time and if it doesn’t resolve the issue the next step is divorce. Look at other cultures, religions and countries. Men frequently beat wife and women… Why? It is just a stronger person abusing or suppressing a weaker persin. Just as stronger men or women suppress other weaker men and women. It is nothing to do with Islam. Actually Islam stops that abuse…if followed.
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Sir my issue with this option being mentioned explicitly in the Qur’an is that it seems to go against a principle of our Deen which is to prohibit things because they may lead to something which is prohibited (sadd e zaria). By allowing the husband to beat his wife, isn’t the Qur’an opening the way for violent beating no matter the intension of Allah being to save the marriage? Isn’t this a 180° deviation from the principle of sadd e zaria whereby certain acts are prohibited not because they’re wrong on their own, but because they can lead to something which is wrong?
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Brother Irfan. Let me give you an example. We made guns for wars and the law is that only in case of war you can use the guns to kill enemy. Guns are great in this case and the law is perfect.
Now if a few solders decide to break the law and decide to kill anyone, even civilians from the enemy country without even a war. In this case would we say, why we made the gun or the law. It opened the door for abuse? No!
So please look at the law separately from the abuse. Say the law is great. And then find ways to avoid abuse of law.
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You can’t compare guns with wife beating. Husband and wife are companions if one doesn’t feel like living with the other anymore and has become rebellious then there is no need to punish or slap. Yes divorce is always there but wife beating being explicitly mentioned in Quran seems to create doubts in reader’s mind. If your wife has become rebellious just divorce her because if she really cared about the marriage or children she wouldn’t have turned that way in the first place. When making her understand through dialogue or even not sleeping with make can’t make her loyal to you then beating can never be an answer. If after you beat your wife and she somehow decides to listen to you then this is clearly forcing your wife or any human to do something against their will which is totally unfair. I hope you will understand my point.
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…child to his parents. I frankly find this comparison unfair.
There’s no reason to find it unfair when you understand the depth of what’s at stake. Is it fair to the husband or the children that the wife has rebelled against her own family, is still living with them, but is not interested in their well-being?
I fail to understand how a wife can have a sudden change of heart
As regular human beings we might fail to see the intricacies of human behavior that God obviously knows. Unless there’s any scientific research in this regard proving that this step is worthless, there’s no reason to doubt it.
…there is a great potential for husbands to exceed their limits
It’s true that a husband might exceed his limits, however, there’s society to protect the rights of the wife. What protection does the family have against a rebellious wife / mother? Divorce is definitely an option, but many lives get affected or even destroyed as a result.
Isn’t this a 180° deviation from the principle of sadd e zaria
The principle of preventive measures or sadd e zariya is only applicable before a sin or a crime is committed. Here the rebellion has already been committed.
Ghamidi sahab has explained this topic from every angle. Please refer to the following posts:
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