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Saying 'No' And Ache Akhlaq
I am struggling with this a lot. How to say ‘No’. I think it seems I am being rude and I still don’t want to burden myself too. Sometimes with relatives and close friends they tell us to do some tasks or things we don’t want to do. Then how to say No with respect and won’t it come under ‘Bure Akhlaq’ if not, please give me right defination of what is ‘Ache Akhlaq’. Does it mean we need to be people pleaser or what?
Jazak’Allah
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2 Replies
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Saying 'No' And Ache Akhlaq
updated 2 years, 2 months ago
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I don’t think I can find a relevant video but the general priniciple is that. In Islam, the most important thing is the rights. Islam wants you to fufill the rights of Allah, your parents, your spouse, your children, your close relatives, your fellow friends/neighbor/citizens, your country and to humanity.
Understanding the priority of rights is key to your question e.g if Allah has made something obligatory like to offer Salah and your friends/relatives ask you to not offer Salah then you have to say ‘No’ to them. But if Allah has made something optional then the choice is up to you. Similarly, you are expected to show respect and offer help first to your parents if you are single. But if you are married with children then the responsilbity goes to your wife/child because that’s their right. Understand how rights determine who you can say ‘No’ and who you can’t. Generally you may search up the rights in detail but I will talk about them generally.
Right of Allah is offer what is obligatory and comes before everything unless He has given some leniency (like if someone’s life is in danger).
Right of the parents is not obedience, it is respect and kindness.
Right of wife and children is their financial needs and the role of being the head of family. Deal with them in kindness and tolerance. For the wife, right of husband is to respect him, take care of his children and maintain the family.
Right of sibling is respect but not obedience and parents come before them.
Right of relatives is respect but not obedience, close relatives come before them.
Right of superiors is respect and obedience in area where you have sworn an oath to them (e.g obeying teacher for education, boss for salary, nation by following the law for giving your national rights)
Right of friends is respect but not obedience and relatives come before them.So keeping this in mind. You are free to say, “No” as long as you know that rights aren’t being violated. You must be respectful but once you understand your rights and that you are self-satisfied and aware that there is no sin upon you for refusing, then you can easily do it. As a general rule, it is best to help others and be involved but if it is becoming difficult and you wish for a break, then as long as you are not violating any rights, you are free to say, ‘No’ because in the end, you have rights to yourself as well like your physical and mental health. Just tell them that “I do not wish to help you today, I am sorry for any problem.” in a respectful tone.
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