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Toxic Parents And Their Status In The Quran
Are toxic parents who beat their children and cause them severe life-long mental health issues considered wherever God mentions their status in the Quran? Good parents who were kind in their behavior definitely fit into the verses but those who are toxic, they don’t feel like they fit in. For example, God tells us to pray for our parents for the kindness they should in our upbringing but there is no kindness if the child develops mental health issues that destroys his life. There is only one thing that all parents do, which is to carry out their responsibilities of providing food etc. but it comes at the expense of toxicity with bad parents. God tells us to be grateful to them but how can one be grateful to toxic parents? It feels like one is being pushed to be grateful to them although gratefulness should come from the heart, I don’t understand this. It is causing mixed feelings and I being an emotional being can’t just forcefully make myself grateful to them or have respect or love for them in my heart, the only thing that can be done is to not hurt them or say anything bad to them and talk to them respectfully but with no emotions involved whatsoever
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5 Replies
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Toxic Parents And Their Status In The Quran
updated 2 months ago
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It is all rational. If parents are not kind, the Qur’an doesn’t not force one to be grateful to them. God makes it our responsibility to take care of them in their old age. If they did not do their jobs still our moral sense doesn’t allow us to leave them in their old age. We should be patient. But it is not necessary to feel grateful to them if it is not a reality.
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I am not sure about the beating part or being verbally abusive, that is certainly wrong, but I have noticed that sometimes children call parents as bad parents if they tell them to study or stop criminal or immoral behaviors etc. So to figure out who is right or wrong, the Quran helps us decide.
Let’s suppose parents are actually bad and the child is good and child is not doing anything bad or immoral. Still a child is not allowed to be disrespectful them. This is very difficult, but without disrespecting, avoid them or get out of that situation. If a person is mature enough to know that parents are bad, the person is mature enough to earn money and live on his own. Do not depend on them, move out and avoid conflict.
The first effort should be to stop being dependent on such parents. It is like having a job in a company. You do not like your supervisor but you keep tolerating his bad behavior because without the income from the job you will go homeless. While working under abusive supervisor you try to learn new skills to find a different job, but until then, you stay quiet and take the abuse.
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I think everyone knows what toxicity is, even a child does. Of course one must not disrespect his parents, that’s an absolute no. Properly disciplining through kindness is a mercy on its own but toxic parents are different and mostly take on vulnerable kids who actually can listen and learn without any harsh treatment but they do it for their own purposes, such as to control their children and make them their slave in a sense and when the child confronts them, they bring out a verse of the Quran to make it mean that a child shouldn’t even talk back to his parent even when abused even if the talkback was just out of frustration to the abuse, not an insult. Children are supposed to feel safe when their parents are home not the other way around. It disgusts me honestly that how nowadays people take this lightly and make it a part of their culture and share on social media skits about parents beating their children to spread laughter and love for their such behavior
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I am not sure what it means by parents making a child a slave. The parents pay for everything for a child from their hard earn money. Everyone in the family is suppose to take care of their own responsibilities and others responsibilities too. Working together in a family for each other is not a slave but a proud and honorable thing. More than that it is fair that if parents are paying for everything, in return the child does his chores and chores for the family as a whole too. When you work, that is exactly what you do. Actually an employer pays you less than the worth of your work and tries to pay you as little as possible while keeping you from quitting. All the money a person receives from a salary mostly is spent in paying taxes and bills and most people actually incur debt just to pay bills.
Some kids say that it is parents responsibility to pay for child’s all needs because they gave birth to a child. Well, their main responsibility is to provide guidance and knowledge and barely minimum or according to their means pay for the survival of the child. That is reasonably able food, shelter, clothing, education and medical. Nothing more. Rest is optional.
If they are paying for those things a child has responsibility is to do chores.
Some kids say why they give birth to me. We’ll they did not specifically invited that particular child. They just placed a general order for a child.
Also it is child’s responsibility to learn and mature as soon as possible to be independent. If the child is slowing down this process by wasting time, then parents have the right to push in respectable manner. If the child doesn’t listen then at 18 throw him out to learn himself practically.
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By slave I mean, beating a ten year old if he doesn’t obey the orders of doing house chores. Everyone has a self-respect and dignity but a child doesn’t understand such things otherwise he himself will do house chores to compensate for what his parents are doing, as a return for the favor. Nobody wants to become a burden on others. This thread is all about toxic parenting, I am not talking about good parents
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