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Seeking Guidance On Repentance (Tawbah) For A Major Sin Involving Haqooq-ul-Ibad
I made a major sin that continues to haunt me at night. I feel deep shame and regret over what I did in the past. I have since made a sincere tawbah (repentance) and have been trying to follow the religion seriously. Recently, however, I learned that repentance also requires asking forgiveness from those one has wronged. This has left me confused and distressed because my situation makes that extremely difficult.
When I was between 15 and 18 years old, I committed inappropriate acts (like kissing, touching, and hugging) with a younger cousin. I don’t remember all the details clearly, but she was several years younger than me. When this came to light, both families questioned me, and out of fear and shame, I denied the truth. Eventually, life went back to normal, although there were occasional family disagreements due to regular living issues, not directly because of this incident.
Later on, the girl’s mother seemed to treat me kindly, as if she had forgiven me. I was also on okay terms with my cousin — we could exchange small talk within the family. I made a genuine tawbah to Allah and began to see her and the rest of the family as my own sisters and relatives.
However, recently, her mother has started talking about the incident again to people in the neighborhood, which has damaged my reputation and reopened old pain.
Now, I feel deep remorse and truly want to repent properly. Since this involves Haqq al-Ibad (the rights of others), I understand that in Islam, one should seek forgiveness from the person who was wronged. But in my case, doing so would likely cause greater harm, reopen trauma, and bring serious conflict between families.
My question is: Is it necessary for me to directly ask her forgiveness for my repentance to be accepted? Or can I repent sincerely to Allah — with regret, firm intention never to repeat such sin, and by doing good deeds — without contacting her, since that would cause more harm and turmoil?
If possible, please provide references from Qur’an, Hadith, or scholarly opinions that address repentance in such sensitive situations.
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3 Replies
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Seeking Guidance On Repentance (Tawbah) For A Major Sin Involving Haqooq-ul-Ibad
updated 2 weeks, 1 day ago
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Replies
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Adultery or fornication is the major sin, not the other acts You mentioned. They lead to the major sin that is why they are forbidden. You made tawbah that is good.
You can send a message of apology and that is enough.
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Thank you for your response.
I am confused, did I or did I not commit the adultery?
Also,
I’m looking for evidence from Islamic history or scholarly reasoning that supports this verdict. According to Ghamidi Sahib’s lecture, if ḥuqūq al-ʿibād (the rights of people) are violated, then tawbah (repentance) cannot be completed until those rights are restored.
He mentioned a few exceptions — for instance, on the Day of Judgment, if a person was pious, Allah (SWT) might choose to mitigate the consequences. However, if the wronged person does not forgive, the wrongdoer will have to compensate them with their good deeds. Beyond this, there is no other way.
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Already mentioned that you can send an apology. If they do not forgive, it is hoped that God will help on the day of judgment and will persuade them to forgive him since he sincerely repented. This is because God is merciful and just.
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