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Is Finding It Hard To Do Recommended Jihad A Sign Of Being A Hypocrite?
A thought came into my mind that there are people suffering in Palestine and I should go there and join their forces to fight. Although I feel fine when I send monetary help there, I feel it is too hard to go there and fight in those conditions. Is this a sign of hypocrisy? I believe that I will certainly do this if it is ordered upon me but I feel like this might just be an excuse of mine due to hypocrisy in my heart and due to doubts in my heart about hereafter and I do get such thoughts of doubts when considering to participate in activities that are harder but I don’t get such doubtful thoughts when doing easier tasks in the cause of Allah.
How do I feel certain that I don’t have hypocrisy? I feel like before I die, I must do the hardest thing possible to have peace of mind that I am a true muslim and not a hypocrite. I know the 4 signs that Prophet PBUH told us but I will still not have that peace of mind if I fix those 4 signs.
There is one more issue which I think is related to self-admiration, low-self esteem and pride/arrogance/kibr. Although I never do any deed to impress other people and I offer prayers in private only. But I feel like there is an impurity in my intentions even if I am doing that deed in private, I feel like I am doing it to feel better about myself and do kibr, even if I do it thinking that I was doing it solely to please Allah but time and time again, being self-aware, there is a thought that comes into my mind that is admiring me, like I am great or like I am so pious or I am special that’s why Allah has chosen me etc. I think this is another form of hypocrisy where you are not trying to please others but yourself.
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