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What Does The Life Look Like For A Muslim Living Between Fear And Hope?
I want to know if I am keeping the right amount of hope and fear in my heart. I want to know what’s the bare-minimum in terms of keeping the fear because it is really uncomfortable for me for some reason, I also have PTSD so that makes things really worse.
Here is how I am currently doing it:
I remind myself before every prayer that there is a possibility of God throwing me into hellfire and not looking back and leaving me there for eternity and that gives me sort of existential crisis but then I remember that God is very kind and prefers for me paradise and is actually helping me so I have great hope, a lot more hope than fear as long as I am trying to improve. This makes sense to me because it is true God is more merciful than punishing
When I come across temptation to commit a sin, I remind myself of the eternal hell again. Which is fine by me as this feels essential to do so in this case.
But since it is very uncomfortable for me to stay in fear all the time, I tend to stay most of the time in hope. I also don’t want to stay anxious all the time about my meeting with God. When I remind myself of meeting with God, I do feel fear but the hope is still much greater because I am constantly trying to improve and because God is very kind and prefers for me heaven.
For feelings of fear, I only invoke them when coming across a sin, whether past, present or a temptation for future sin. The rest of the day, I tend to stay away from these feelings, although I do keep God’s attribute of justice in mind all the time, just the intense feelings of fear are missing because it is very uncomfortable for me.
This, and I am still open for improvement and ask God for help as this is all I can do as of now and I don’t want to overthink about this anymore and want to focus on other parts of my life as well.
Please tell me where I am doing something wrong and how I can improve that
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