-
Dealing With Family Opposition On Marriage Choice
Assalamualaikum, mai aik lrki ko psnd krta hun jo k meri czn h khala ki beti, ab us ghr mei meri behn bhi shadi hokr gyi hoi h 6 sal se, msla ye h k mere ghr walay wattay sattay ka msla beech mei la rhy hn jb k ye msla nhi h jhan tk mje smjh ata h msla ana ka or zid ka h or msla ye h k mai unki bat nhi man rha or lrki ko nhi chor rha, mai lrki ko bht chahta hun lrki bhi mje bht psnd krti h. mere ghr walon ne lrki ko bht bura bhla bhi kha h uski izzat bhi khrab ki h lkn mai or wo aik dusray k liye dattay hoye hn. Ghr walon ko tqreban 1 saal se smjha rha hun lkn wo apni zid or hn or hamesha jb bhi rishta mangne ki bat kro tmasha lga kr kehtay hn jb bhtreen wqt ayega hojayega. msla ye h k ye log jan boj kr glt hrktn kr rhy hn fitne pehla rhy hn ta k ye rishta kisi bhi surat ho hi na. mai in chzon se bht tng aa chuka hun or ab mai lrki k baap se khud uska rishta mangna chahta hun or nikah krna chahta hun, mere walid sahab apne hosh mei nhi hn or meri walida blkl bhi meri bat smjhne ko tyar nhi, mera bra bhai h wo bhi kch zyada serious nhi is mamlaty mei, mai apse mashwara chahta hun k derh saal inko smjhanay k bad ab mai khud qadam utha kr lrki k baap se rishta mang kr nikah kr skta hun? alhumdulillah mai financially bhi set hun koi bhi msla nhi h. is mamlay mei koi bhi smjdari nhi dikha rha to mai is mamlay ki zimedari ab khud lena chahta hun kindly mje shriat k aitebar se mshwara dyn. Jazakallah.
.
-
2 Replies
-
Dealing With Family Opposition On Marriage Choice
updated 4 days, 23 hours ago
2 Members
·
2
Replies
-
Wa’Alikum Salam.
Ghamidi Sahab’s answer to exactly your question is that the marriage decision belongs to the man and the woman themselves — ”یہ اصل میں لڑکے اور لڑکی کا فیصلہ ہے“ — and that parents, for all their honour, are سہولت کار (facilitators) in it, not decision-makers: they may counsel, share their experience and place their reasons before you, but imposing their will is not among their rights, and an agreement squeezed out by pressure and tamasha is not agreement at all. So your family’s refusal does not invalidate a nikah — their approval is adab and social beauty, not a condition of the contract. He does not hand this permission out cheaply, though: proceeding without them requires a defensible reason, and he names precisely the ones you describe — parents whose attitude is not right, who dig in, who have their own interests in view and are not feeling their children’s emotions. By that standard you are within your right, and your intention to go to the girl’s father yourself and ask him openly is not an elopement or a court marriage; it is exactly the propriety expected on her side. Do it in the open — ijab-o-qabool before witnesses, mahr settled, publicly announced and registered — since a concealed nikah defeats what nikah is. The watta satta demand carries no shari weight whatever; it is a custom, and no one may make another woman’s marriage the price of yours.
As for your parents, the governing principle is that you were commanded حسنِ سلوک with them, not اطاعت — unconditional obedience belongs to Allah and His Messenger alone, and the duty of kindness does not lapse merely because they are in the wrong. So refuse the demand and keep the relationship: tell them before you act rather than after, never answer their harshness with your own, and leave the door open however long they take to come round. Test your own heart once before you move, because the same principle that forbids them to obstruct out of ana forbids you to act out of it — proceed because eighteen months of sincere effort are exhausted, not to win a point. And speak to her frankly beforehand about what her place in that family will be after what has been said of her; going in with open eyes is part of the aql-o-shaur you are being asked to exercise. May Allah make it easy for you both and put barakah in it.
Please watch the following two videos:
https://youtu.be/Qef8Zy2PBjg?si=SieuxmgUP7HPsxNu-
This reply was modified 4 days, 23 hours ago by
Umer.
-
This reply was modified 4 days, 23 hours ago by
-
Sponsor Ask Ghamidi
