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No Sexual Relationship In Marriage , Can We Divorce?
Assalamu alaikum,
I’m seeking an honest, objective Islamic opinion on my marriage situation.
Background: I got married in 2012. My mother forced me to marry this particular woman, and although I initially didn’t want to, I agreed out of respect for her wishes — especially since my father had passed away the year before and I didn’t want to add to her grief. I never developed romantic or physical attraction toward my wife, despite the marriage being valid and my consent being genuine, if reluctant.
Current situation (2026): From early in the marriage, intimacy between us was minimal maybe once in few months , and for the past three years there has been none at all. My wife is kind and caring and has never mistreated me — the difficulty is entirely on my side: I have never felt the attraction or emotional connection I believe should exist between spouses. I have genuinely tried, more than once, to be intimate with her despite this, and I simply cannot. I feel deeply ashamed about that. She has asked me for divorce several times over the years, and each time I avoided the decision out of fear and guilt. We are also unable to have biological children due to a medical condition on my side. We are both now in our 40s.
Sometimes she tells me not to divorce and to “do whatever I want.” I don’t know what she means by this, and it troubles me.I am seriously considering divorce , because I no longer believe it’s fair to keep her in a marriage where she cannot receive the love, intimacy, and companionship she deserves, especially with no realistic prospect of my feelings changing.
Repentance: Separately, due to the lack of intimacy in my marriage, I have at times engaged in unlawful relationships outside of marriage. I deeply regret this and repent sincerely.
Financial hardship: I have also lost my job and am in a difficult financial situation. I can’t help feeling that because I have hurt my wife and disobeyed Allah, my situation has gotten worse as a result.
I’ve also thought that if I could lawfully marry a divorced or widowed woman- where i feel attracted to have sex , I could have permissible intimacy through that marriage rather than falling back into sin outside of marriage.
I crave sex strongly, and I cannot fulfill this with my wife. I’m afraid that if I don’t marry a woman I can genuinely be intimate with, I may never fully leave unlawful relationships behind — willpower alone hasn’t been enough so far. The alternative I’ve thought about is taking medication to suppress my sexual desire altogether, so the temptation itself goes away.
May Allah SWT make things easier for me.
My questions:
- Given that I am unlikely to ever develop attraction toward my wife, and we have had no intimacy for three years, is it appropriate — even preferable — for me to proceed with divorce, or is there an Islamic obligation to keep trying to make the marriage work?
- What is the proper way to repent for the unlawful relationships, and is anything required beyond sincere tawbah?
- Is there Islamic guidance on managing intense desire that I cannot lawfully fulfill in my current marriage — and does pursuing a lawful marriage take priority over trying to suppress the desire itself through medication?
I want to make whatever decision is most fair to my wife, most responsible for myself, and most pleasing to Allah.
JazakAllah khair for your time and guidance. -
7 Replies
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No Sexual Relationship In Marriage , Can We Divorce?
updated 6 days ago
4 Members
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7
Replies
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Ghamdi sb please you or your team reply i really need your help
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Seek help from experts (marriage counseling)
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First of all there is no such Islamic obligation to keep trying to make the marriage work. You have full right get divorce and it is a genuine concern not to feeling attracted towards partner. Interestingly, there was a same incident reported to Nabi SAW and he gave the same ruling , Read Below!
حضرت ابن عباسؓ سے روایت ہے :
حضرت ثابت بن قیسؓ کی بیوی نبی کریم ﷺ کی خدمت میں حاضر ہوئیں اور عرض کیا:
“یا رسول اللہ ﷺ! مجھے ثابت بن قیسؓ کے دین اور اخلاق میں کوئی عیب نہیں، لیکن میں اسلام میں ناپسندیدہ طریقے سے زندگی گزارنے کو پسند نہیں کرتی۔”
رسول اللہ ﷺ نے فرمایا:
“کیا تم وہ باغ واپس کر دو گی جو ثابت نے تمہیں مہر میں دیا ہے؟”
انہوں نے عرض کیا:
“جی ہاں۔”
تو رسول اللہ ﷺ نے حضرت ثابتؓ سے فرمایا:
“اے ثابت! اپنا باغ واپس لے لو اور اسے ایک طلاق دے دو۔”
حوالہ: صحیح بخاری، حدیث 5273
If you have no physical relation with ur wife, It is ZULM on her also bcz women do have desires and it’s ur responsibility to fulfill her desires. If u urself can’t fulfill, atleast let her go and enjoy her life. If u r 40 now, there are 40 more years ahead, so make them beautiful atleast for her and for yourself 🙂
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This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by
Abrar Ahmad.
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Please Abrar don’t give anybody, any advice to divorce or marriage here.. you don’t know fully what is the matter. Let him keep this matter to his family and relatives… Also advised him to take experts counsel..
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Agreed, We are not completely aware about his situation. I’ll request him to take councelling… I’ll take care next time, thanks for guiding me
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This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by
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i have already given you complete picture of reality…
i hope to reach Ghamdi sb , -
Divorce is not inherently haram. If a marriage does not work and the relationship cannot be sustained, it can be terminated. However, one should carefully consider the social and family consequences and act accordingly.
God has instructed us to repent for our sins, and He can forgive all sins when we sincerely repent.
You seem to be struggling with decision-making. It may be helpful for you to seek guidance from an elder in your family or from someone close to you whom you trust.
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