I am a huge fan of Javed ghamidi sb. and seeking his guidance for over a year now. His intellect provided me the opportunity to rediscover Islam and accept its wisdom unapologetically, wholeheartedly.
The request I have for you is something I’m honestly a little nervous about to discuss here. It’s a topic about which i couldn’t find much guidance on internet. It’s about controlling my sexual desires for opposite gender.
See, Javed ghamidi sb. has made it quite clear what does an “Islamically true interaction with opposite gender” really mean. Thats great. But, I think the reality deviates from it too much.
I have female classmates. It’s natural that I feel attracted towards them. I understand that it’s my duty to protect my gaze and live a life Allah wants me to live. But, at the same time, it feels like I’m alienated somehow. My friends do interact with them, smile at them, crack jokes with them, give them compliments. They plan their days doing fun things. They seem to have a very “natural” and nice time with girls.
I do understand that this is “the test” from Allah. I also don’t desire any escape. But, I don’t wanna feel so much alienated and deprived, in a sense.
Every time I compliment a female friend, make them laugh, or do something that is not really necessary, I can’t help but noticing that I’m sexually attracted to them, and this is why I’m having this chit chat with’em. On the other hand, I feel very bad religiously that I’m indulged in such compulsive behaviours.
It is a frustrating problem. I hope you understood my perspective of the story!
Please tell me what are the limits, at the same time, how to not feel alienated?
Thank you so, so much for your consideration, if you’ve made this far. I’m honoured!
What you’re describing is normal human nature. What’s required is that one be mindful of such thoughts arising in their heads and consciously act within the bounds set by God. Learning to discipline ourselves is in fact practicing taqwa. The key to achieving it is through continuous and hard self accountability.
Islam has no objection on talking to or being friends with people of the opposite gender, as long as the bounds set by God are respected. I think that if one makes it a point to always keep all interaction in the public eye, they can save themselves much trouble.
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