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  • What Is The True Reason Why Extramarital Relationships Is Such A Severe Sin

     Nadeem Minhas updated 1 month, 3 weeks ago 5 Members · 16 Posts
  • Nadeem Minhas

    Member April 22, 2021 at 3:25 am

    One reason is just because it is Allah’s command, but many do not agree with this believing that all commandments has a reason.

    The reason can’t be to preserve family because the punishment for extramarital relationship is extremely severe as compared to neglecting a family.

    Also, having extramarital relationship MAY impact one’s family, but neglecting or abusing a family is certainly impacting a family. How punishment could be so dramatically different?

    Another reason why extramarital relationships may not be prohibitted for the preservation of family, because Islam allows up to 4 marriages. Having 4 families will distract a person from a family as much if not more than extramarital relationships.

    I would like Ghamidi Sahib to clarify the argument I just made.

  • Haseeb Faisal

    Member April 22, 2021 at 10:47 am

    A couple of thoughts that come to mind:

    1. It seems that an extramarital relationship would be the ultimate form of neglect in the case that a child is born out of wedlock, and neither parent claims him/her. The child would be stripped of the right to know his/her identity. Much worse, he/she would likely not have the quality and necessary care at a time when he/she is vulnerable in every way. I cannot think of any other act that has ramifications as significant as these when it comes to the neglect of a child.

    2. Surely, there is a difference between taking on the responsibility of four marriages, as opposed to going out and having extramarital relationships. In a marriage, there would at least be an acknowledgment of the responsibilities that the man must uphold so that the rights of all members – current and future – can be met. In the case of an extramarital relationship, it cannot even be confirmed that the fornicators will ever meet again, let alone that any responsibilities as a result of a child being born, will be upheld. In any case, I feel that a man who marries more than one woman without the intent or means of fulfilling the responsibilities associated with these marriages is probably not marrying in line with the spirit of Islam anyway.

  • Nadeem Minhas

    Member April 22, 2021 at 11:25 pm

    Thanks for your answer Haseeb.

    Your point 1 doesn’t address why punishment fo extramarital relationship is so severe than a father neglecting a family or worse abusive to a family. Furthermore these days it is unlikely for a child to be born accidentally.

    Your second point of acknowledging responsibility doesn’t do anything for a family. The differece in punishment between acknowledging or not acknowledging a responsibility can’t be so great. Also, many fathers do take responsibility of a child born out of wedlock.

    The bottom line issue still remains. It doesn’t seem like Allah meant to save a family and make sure someone takes responsibility and that is why such a severe punishment in this World and afterlife is ascribed to the act.

    • Haseeb Faisal

      Member April 22, 2021 at 11:49 pm

      Salam Nadeem,

      Respectfully, do you have any evidence that it is unlikely that a child is born out of wedlock? At least so much so that this concern can be dismissed altogether? I’ve heard of cases where teenagers and young adults that are sexually active become pregnant. In some cases, the child has to be put up for adoption because the parents are not prepared to take responsibility. There has even been a case I’ve heard where a mother killed her infant, not wanting anyone to know she was pregnant. My feeling is that you are understating the prevalence of extramarital births in a world where extramarital relationships are commonplace, and there is yet to be a contraceptive method that completely protects one from pregnancy. Besides, who is to say that contraception would be a priority for the parties involved in the heat of the moment? In my opinion, even if it were to be proven that pregnancy out of wedlock is an extreme rarity, the fact of the matter is that it would still be a grave injustice even if one child is born without an identity and guardian in this world.

      With regards to your point about a father neglecting or being abusive towards your family, I agree that this is a terrible crime by the father against the family. However, my personal point of view is that it is also important to consider the victim in a particular situation. I feel that being neglectful towards a newly born infant is much worse than being neglectful to adolescent and adult members of a family. Why? Because the infant is totally dependent on its parents – it can neither eat nor drink, thereby being unable to survive without significant assistance from others. The same cannot be said about family members that are adolescents, adults, etc. – however, no doubt that their neglect would be a serious crime as well. All in all, my point is that it is important to consider how vulnerable an infant is when it comes to this world. Considering this vulnerability, it is absolutely inexcusable that it is met with neglect.

      As far as accepting responsibility is concerned, I have to disagree with you. If we live in a society where it is commonplace to accept major responsibilities before entering marriage, I feel that this kind of attitude will become a part of our value system. What do you think? Surely, taking responsibility or agreeing to a contract has more meaning to it than merely the communication of a few words.

    • Nadeem Minhas

      Member April 23, 2021 at 12:04 am

      Brother Haseeb, I do not have much disagreement with you. The points can be argued either way. Still the bottom line issue remains… Why such severe punishment. If the reason for such severe punisment is to make sure a father would take responsibility for the child, then the main punishment should be associated to the lack of taking child’s responsibility, not with extramarital relationship that may or may not produce a child and may or may not cause neglect of his own child.

    • Haseeb Faisal

      Member April 23, 2021 at 12:15 am

      Hmm, that’s a good point. I believe there were some compelling arguments made by the moderators in your previous thread on this topic that might shed light on this question. I will check them out again! Nonetheless, interesting discussion, Nadeem! 🙂

  • Nadeem Minhas

    Member April 23, 2021 at 6:06 am

    My last post was on physical relationship between unmarried, this post is specific to extramarital relationships. I did not get an answer to the question asked here, so I put it out for all to explore. I am also requesting Ghamidi Sahib to ponder on this.

    Extramarital relations, just like gambling and intoxication, is a source of degradation of society and destruction of family. Usually a source act is prohibitted to stop its impact on the target. Normally source acts have lighter or no punishments associated with them, but the impact on target is where the full weight of punishment is associated. In case of extramarital relationships, which is a source, assigning the most extreme punishment breaks the logic established in Islam.

    So my assertion is that preservation of family or children is not the prime reason, as opposed to Ghamidi Sahib, for the prohibition of extramarital relationships. There is another bigger reason where extramarital relationships is the target issue, not a source of issue.

  • Faisal Haroon

    Moderator April 24, 2021 at 12:54 am

    Please qualify your question with what punishments are we talking about here for extramarital relationship and neglect.

    • Nadeem Minhas

      Member April 24, 2021 at 3:44 pm

      Here is the detail. Although Allah may forgive if someone repents, but the couple can be punished in this World quite severely if the admit the crime or if there are 4 reliable witnesses or a solid proof. There is no such punishment for neglecting or abusing a family.

      [4:15] Those who commit adultery among your women, you must have four witnesses against them, from among you. If they do bear witness, then you shall keep such women in their homes until they die, or until GOD creates an exit for them.

      [4:16] The couple who commits adultery shall be punished. If they repent and reform, you shall leave them alone. GOD is Redeemer, Most Merciful.

      [4:17] Repentance is acceptable by GOD from those who fall in sin out of ignorance, then repent immediately thereafter. GOD redeems them. GOD is Omniscient, Most Wise.

      [24:2] The adulteress and the adulterer you shall whip each of them a hundred lashes. Do not be swayed by pity from carrying out GOD’s law, if you truly believe in GOD and the Last Day. And let a group of believers witness their penalty.

  • Afia Khan

    Member April 24, 2021 at 9:36 am

    Off course these are the boundaries of Allah. And apply to both husbands and wives.

    And Islam does not allow to have four wives but it limit to four wives and with the condition if one can do justice between the wives. (Which is not possible in real life). And keep in mind that the ayah revealed was at the time of war when there were so many helpless widows and orphans in the society.

  • Faisal Haroon

    Moderator April 24, 2021 at 7:53 pm

    Nadeem sahab, please read the explanation of Al-Bayan about the verses you shared above.

  • Nadeem Minhas

    Member April 25, 2021 at 11:30 pm

    Brother Faisal. Thank you for your reference. I spent quite some time going through the information. Although it was informative, but in no way addressed my question. Actually it reinforced that adultery is the 3rd largest sin with the punishment of 100 lashes. Also that in Ghamidi Sahib’s opinion, such severe law is to preserve sanctity of family.


    My assertion here, once again, is that preservation of family doesn’t seem to be to be the reason Islam has such harsh punishment fo adultery, because if that was the purpose, neglect and abuse of family would have the similar harsh punishment.

    I still think there is some other reason.

    • Ali

      Member April 25, 2021 at 11:42 pm

      It seems it should be for “preservation” and “sanctity” of a family. It is a nightmare for a brother, sister, father, wife, mother, daughter and son alike if there is a at will “sex” policy in a family. It sounds more like animals than humans irrespective of the religion.

  • Faisal Haroon

    Moderator April 25, 2021 at 11:39 pm

    I’m not sure on what count 100 lashes is such a harsh punishment. Even that punishment shall only be rendered when the matter is actually taken to court and is proven beyond reasonable doubt, which is not exactly an easy feat.

    • Nadeem Minhas

      Member April 26, 2021 at 6:06 am

      Thank you Faisal. I will continue to seek an answer that will satisfy my curiosity.

      If you please let me know what is punishment of rape in Islam as I do not find it in Quran. Let me know if I need to start a new question for this.

    • Nadeem Minhas

      Member April 26, 2021 at 6:21 am

      Found info on rape punishment by Ghamidi Sahib. Thank you.

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