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Adoption And Issue Of Mahram
I recently read about a girl who recently converted to Islam and was raised by a family who adopted her as a child. She was told by an Islamic scholar that after her conversion to Islam she should treat her parents (who adopted her) as Non-Mehram. Similarly, I read about a similar case of another lady (60 years old) who was told to start treating her adopted son (29 years old) as a Non-Mehram.
I understand that Muslims who are familiar with relevant Islamic rulings should consider this issue before adoption and possibly plan for it by breastfeeding the adopted child when still young to establish milk kinship. However, what is the ruling regarding people from adopted families who embrace Islam at an older age. Are they expected to suddenly start treating their adopted family members as Non-Mehrams (i.e. mother cannot hug her adopted son and so forth). I read that the Prophet (PBUH) made an exception in the case of Salim (the adopted son of Abu-Hudhayfah) to legitimise the pre-existing adoptive bond between their family. Can the same principle, or some adaptation of it, be applied to the cases of Muslim converts mentioned above to legitimise / avoid disruption to pre-existing adoptive relations where kinship via breastfeeding is not an option due to the age of the parties.
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9 Replies
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Adoption And Issue Of Mahram
updated 2 years, 11 months ago
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Please refer to the following video specifically from 2:06 onward
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Thank you. It’s not fully clear to me what’s this ‘darmyan ki soorat’ mentioned by Ghamidi Sahab regarding adopted children who were not breastfed, and the issue of Mehram and Na-Mehram. Can the parents show physical affection (hug/kiss) to such adopted kids (grown-up) and not follow the dressing rules for Non-Mehram in their presence? Can a grown-up ‘kid’ marry the parent who adopted him?
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Surah An-Nissa Provides some guidance in this regard. We can derive from it logically which relationships are Prohibited(Mehram) and which are not. (Na-Mehram).
The Adopted Children are also a category of Foster children. Since they are not biologically related to their Adopted Parents. Hence they are not blood children or born through union from their adopted parents.
Foster: bring up (a child that is not one’s own by birth
Adopt: legally take (another’s child) and bring it up as one’s own.
(4:23) Forbidden to you are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters and your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters and your sister’s daughters, your milk-mothers, your milk-sisters, the mothers of your wives, and the stepdaughters – who are your foster-children, born of your wives with whom you have consummated the marriage; but if you have not consummated the marriage with them, there will be no blame upon you (if you marry their daughters). It is also forbidden for you to take the wives of the sons who have sprung from your loins and to take two sisters together in marriage, although what is past is past. Surely Allah is All-Forgiving, All-Compassionate.
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This creates somewhat similar or even a bit more strong relationship than the categories already mentioned in Quran for which relaxation is given. These are the categories which, although not direct mahram, still are living in conditions and environment where risk of any sexual inclination whatsoever is negligible to none:
…”And they should not reveal their embellishments to anyone except their husbands or their fathers or their husbands’ fathers or their sons or their husbands’ sons or their brothers or their brothers’ sons or their sisters’ sons or other women of acquaintance or their slaves or the subservient male servants who are not attracted to women or children who have no awareness of the hidden aspects of women…” (Quran 24:27-31)
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Thank you. How does this tie in with the case of Zayd ibn Harithah, as he was adopted son of the prophet PBUH and treated as a Non-Mahram after revelation of the verses relevant to adoption?
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Zaid was given freedom by the Prophet. He was no longer a slave. He was the adopted son but the Quran refused to give him the status of the Son of the Prophet, as was the custom in Arab Tribal Jahaliyat(Adopted son was considered as legal son)
He was a servant of the Prophet but since he was a free man he was not subservient but rather equal to status of all men. Hence his marriage and subsequent divorce from Zainab, the Prophet’s Cousin was not a Na-Mehram issue. His marriage was to uplift the status of freed slaves in the society. Unfortunately the Marriage didnt work as Zainab liked the Prophet. Later on Zaid Divorced her. and subsequently the Prophet married her.
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The Quranic verse 33:4 (the one in which adopted sons are mentioned) can be better understood in light of its context that is presented in verses 33:1–3. The latter verses indicate that the faithless and the hypocrites were scheming against Islam and its final Messenger P.b.u.H. Hence, God ordered the Messenger and the true believers to only rely on Him by following His revelation and by not paying attention to the schemes of the faithless and the hypocrites.
In this context, God distinguishes the hypocrites from the true believers by firstly saying “God has not put two hearts within any man…”. Essentially, how can the Messenger and the true believers who strictly follow Allah out of taqwa also follow agents that may pull them away from Allah, and vice versa. Therefore, the schemers who may have insinuated that the Messenger or His followers were breaching moral codes ought to be ashamed and worry about their own ill acts and the resulting fate.
The Quranic verse 33:4 then creates another distinction between the two groups; namely, the Messenger and the true believers vs the hypocrites/faithless. It does so by referring to the pre-Islamic practices which the hypocrites couldn’t let go of. Possibly, these practices may have been the reference tools to spread hurtful and hateful propaganda against the Prophet and the believers. Allah specifically mentions the pre-Islamic practice of repudiating the marital contract by uttering words to the effect of ‘be as my mother’s back’. Unfortunately, similar (but not exact) practices exist among certain Muslim communities to this very date.
Importantly, and more relevant to the subject matter, Allah also refers to the practice within the tribal setting whereupon persons became the guardian of other children or individuals out of economic necessity, tribal honour, or adherence to cultural norms. In such settings, noblemen and/or tribal leaders may have generally regarded the “adopted sons” as biological sons for different reasons such as morality, the honour of one’s clan/tribe, or elevating adopted sons since they were assets for future battles, societal pride and power-play (Individuals with more sons were considered powerful).
Such settings may have created an opportunity for the hypocrites in Madina to spread rumours against the Messenger after He married a divorced Muslimah who happened to be an ex-wife of Zaid. If taking the responsibility of Zaid’s financial and other needs meant that he was the Messenger’s permanent son in accordance with the tribal norms, what about so many of the other early Muslims who left everything to take refuge in the first mosque in Madina? The Messenger took it upon Himself to meet their needs while His own family members remained hungry on many occasions.
Hence, Allah says that such norms are not Divinely instructed. I may be wrong but it does not appear that such norms are being criticised or condemned by Allah. The issue did not primarily revolve around a divine prohibition necessitating the end of a prevalent pre-Islamic practice of marrying the divorced wives of adopted sons. Instead, the essence of these verses is to restore tranquillity for the Messenger and His true followers in response to agitation created by fitna mongers. This can be implied from the previous verse where Allah had instructed the believers to have faith in Him as He is sufficient as their trustee. It was a confirmation from the All-Knowing and All-Wise that He was not only well aware of their intentions but that His followers had not breached any sense of morality.
Since societal norms are subject to change and can easily be manipulated to cause fitna, the Divine instruction made a reference to an undeniable reality; a fact that adopted sons always had a right of lineage, reference, and association to their biological fathers even though they may have been raised by someone else. Therefore, they ought to be treated as such in situational agitation by schemers and fitna mongers. Therefore, if a modern-day individual were to successfully imagine the ancient tribal settings in which an adopted son married and later divorced his partner. Allah has clarified in response to the schemers, the hypocrites and fitna mongers that the divorced Muslimah does not become prohibited to the guardian of her ex-husband. This example may seem odd in a modern-day setting. But it appears normal in the context of ancient and some of the present-day tribal settings.
May Allah forgive me for errors.
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Assalam u Alaikum
I am not an expert in Islamic law. However, it is my understanding that exceptions are (also) accommodated in Islam on the principle of necessity [1]. Prima facie, the example that you have shared falls under varying or complex societal circumstances. It demonstrates the need of a reverted brother/sister to maintain his/her previously existing relationship or kinship, albeit a non-biological one. I am assuming that the pre-existing relationship is a long-standing one. Given the specifics, there may be a case of implied permission in the absence of an express forbiddance (prohibition) in the Quran and Sunnah [2].
Nevertheless, one ought to consider necessary or recommended precautions in such scenarios. Whether certain precautions ought to be considered (or observed) depends on a case by case basis. For example, (warning: the following facts may be of poor taste to a certain audience) consider an unfortunate case of a male revert [3] fantasising in the past about or watching Islamically inappropriate content involving step-parent or adopted kin (this is not a judgement on reverts; rather an honest confrontation of the dilemma that has arisen after they have reverted to a religion that stresses upon the sanctity and purity of parental, sibling, or other similar relationships).
A newly reverted brother in Islam may have had a healthy relationship with his step-parents and step-siblings in the past. However, he may have unfortunately dealt with ill thoughts, intents, contemplation of certain acts or omissions with his step-parent or kins. This thought process in the pre-Islamic days may not have been a subject of a sin or a moral wrong for the brother. But it is a huge deal per Islamic moral values. Unfortunately, certain habits do not die overnight and require gradual discipline and commitment. Hence, a necessary or a recommended precaution is often suggested by scholars in such situations. This may explain the thought process of the Islamic scholar mentioned by you. Although, I personally appreciate scholars who, instead of throwing black and white one-liners, provide a thoroughly reviewed, insightful and rational response backed by appropriate references to Primary or Secondary Islamic sources.
Disclaimer: Again, I am not a Scholar. Kindly consider this response as a layman’s thought process. Please always refer to scholars for expert opinion to learn and protect your Islamic rights and interests. Thank you
[1] https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11196-016-9473-x#citeas
[2] I have not done sufficient homework to confirm the absence of such a forbiddance. My conclusion may be prone to error, kindly refer to my disclaimer.
[3] Considered a better term than “convert” (changing deen/state) since it means returning to one’s original deen/state (a reference regarding each and every Soul bearing witness to God’s Benevolence and Oneness prior to being sent on Earth). Hence, humble and sincere truth seekers inevitably finding and sticking to the right path with the help of their reason and intellect.
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Thank you, Jizakallah.
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