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Extramarital Affairs
A friend of mine asked me this question, which I couldn’t answer. I wanted to ask it over here. I am gonna copy paste the message.
“I am a married woman with five children. I have been married for 18 years
now. My husband was into other women since very long and i knew this for a
very long time, and I thought it was just texting etc, but very recently out
of curiosity i checked his phone and came to know that it was not just
talking to other women but he has been having illicit relationship with
other women. Now my question is when I know everything what should I do
regarding this issue, because he is very strict at home with me and my
children, he does not allow us to have phones or talk to anyone,
children only have laptops for studies. if i confront him and ask him question
about his zinna most probably situation will be worse for us. My heart is
not allowing to live with a person who is into zina with other woman. what
should i do , whether go for divorce or confront him. confronting him is
not easy, his track record is not good in this matter.”
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13 Replies
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Extramarital Affairs
updated 3 years, 4 months ago
4 Members
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13
Replies
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Brothers please reply to my question ASAP. I have to forward it to my colleague who asked me this question.
Peace.
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Please see:
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Seems like in this case Islam doesn’t give a specific ruling. Then doesn’t it become a social and personal issue?
I would say that the person asking the question is in very difficult situation. Divorce is not a good solution for children or the wife, especially if she would face financial difficulties after divorce. Perhaps the husband will find the right path in a year or two. Divorce will close all doors. Divorce should be the last thing unless the husband is very abusive.
Considering that the husband may turn abusive physically or at least psychologically if confronted, here are my thoughts from my experience.
1. If the wife’s family is strong physically and financially, then have them involved to help resolve the issue. Also if husband’s family is fair and just, have them involved too. Sometimes pressure from own family is more influential then from outsiders.
2. If wifes family is not strong physically or financially and the wife would have hard time earning a decent living to live alone as divorced and the husband can be lived with for another several years, then stay quiet, seek Allah’s help to guide the husband and to seek a solution.
Focus on the children’s upbringing. Have them well educated in Islam and school education. Once children are strong and mature and inclined to support the mother and by then the husband has not corrected himself, seeks separation or divorce at that time.
3. If there is a possibility that sooner or later the husband will divorce the wife in favor of someone else, then do whatever you can to prepare for it. In this case take the risk and have elders from both side of family involved as soon as possible.
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Thank u Nadeem brother. Thanks a lot. Thank u Umer Bhai, too.
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My another question is as Allah says in surah noor it is haram to marry a zaani. Is it not haraam to live with a zaani husband ?
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That is in relation to the zaani who has been sentenced by the court/state and declared as such.
Please see for details:
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Nadeem Bhai, the woman says that living with this man is affecting my children’s spiritual upbringing. Wo keh rahin theen ki ye cheez mere dil me khatak paida kur rahi hai. She says that if I involve somebody else in this matter (as Allah has said in the Quran that if u say no hope of the marriage remaining intact, involve 1 person from the man’s and 1 from the woman’s side), won’t it be like exposing somebody’s sin in front of others. Wo arz kur rahi hain ke yai mere khawind ka purdah faash karnai jesaa nahih ho ga?
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It is rightnof wife for seperate with husband if she know that he is zani. She can separate. No need for proof from court .
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Ali Bhai ye baat too darust hai but she says that she doesn’t want ta affect her children’s emotions and their taalem-o-tarbiat as it obviously would in the case of a divorce.
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Ayaan Bhai. I just want to emphasize that if her husband is abusive, especially physically, and there is no one to stop him permanently, then she must get away and get out of the relationship. Abusive people normally become more and more abusive.
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Is physical abuse the only form of abuse?
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Physical is the most extreme form of abuse that can’t be tollerated even for a short time. Psychological perhaps can be tollerated for a short term if there is a hope that things will get better soon. The other option of divorce also has lot of psychological impact too, regarding children, living alone and struggling finacially to survive. The person himself or herself need to decide which psychologal impact is more severe.
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U r right Nadeem Bhai.
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