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Is It Loyal To Your Spouse If You Cannot Forget A Past Relationship?
What do you do when you are in a stable marriage but you can’t get a past relationship out of your head, even after 11 years?
Is it emotional cheating on your spouse? Coz it feels like it is and the stress is real!
We almost divorced recently coz he was an absent husband. In those 8 years of literally surviving on my own, with no family and emotional connection with my husband, the memories of past relationship made real roots in my head.
Now he is trying and trying really hard. And it feels like I’m literally cheating on him.
Is there anything in Islam about this? Should I come clean to my husband? Or should I just let it be? Coz it isnt just a phase by now and Im drowning in it!
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6 Replies
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Is It Loyal To Your Spouse If You Cannot Forget A Past Relationship?
updated 9 months, 1 week ago
5 Members
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6
Replies
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I will recommend you to register a session with Dr Shehzad Saleem. He is expert in family matters
https://www.ghamidi.org/consultation/-
Can I register for this? I am living in Pakistan.
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Right now, this service is only offered for the residents of USA, Canada and Europe.
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🙁 okay
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This is no cheating. The matters of heart or emotional matters are not in our complete control. God does not make us accountable for the things we are emotionally attached to but does not lead to some kind of actual sin.
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The only thing Quran demands is justice and fulfilment of the rights of the spouse, there is no compulsion for emotional attachment at all times and at all costs. Quran acknowledges scenarios where one spouse may not like the other with their heart, but as long as no transgressions are committed, there is no blame on the person:
یٰۤاَیُّہَا الَّذِیۡنَ اٰمَنُوۡا لَا یَحِلُّ لَکُمۡ اَنۡ تَرِثُوا النِّسَآءَ کَرۡہًا ؕ وَ لَا تَعۡضُلُوۡہُنَّ لِتَذۡہَبُوۡا بِبَعۡضِ مَاۤ اٰتَیۡتُمُوۡہُنَّ اِلَّاۤ اَنۡ یَّاۡتِیۡنَ بِفَاحِشَۃٍ مُّبَیِّنَۃٍ ۚ وَ عَاشِرُوۡہُنَّ بِالۡمَعۡرُوۡفِ ۚ فَاِنۡ کَرِہۡتُمُوۡہُنَّ فَعَسٰۤی اَنۡ تَکۡرَہُوۡا شَیۡئًا وَّ یَجۡعَلَ اللّٰہُ فِیۡہِ خَیۡرًا کَثِیۡرًا
Believers! You are forbidden to forcibly inherit women. Nor by treating them with harshness should you take away part of what you have given them – except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; and live with them befittingly. Because if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good. (Quran 4:19)
And while defining justice in the context of polygamy:
وَلَنْ تَسْتَطِيعُوا أَنْ تَعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ النِّسَاءِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ فَلَا تَمِيلُوا كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ فَتَذَرُوهَا كَالْمُعَلَّقَةِ وَإِنْ تُصْلِحُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُورًا رَحِيمًا وَإِنْ يَتَفَرَّقَا يُغْنِ اللَّهُ كُلًّا مِنْ سَعَتِهِ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ وَاسِعًا حَكِيمًا
And even if it is your ardent desire, you will never be able to be totally just between women; so it is enough if you do not completely incline yourself to a woman altogether, so as to leave the other aside. And if you come to a friendly understanding, and fear Allah; Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. But if they disagree and [eventually] must part, Allah will provide abundance for each from His bounty. And He is Bountiful and Wise. (Quran 4:129-130)
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