Lack Of Emotional Connection With God
Note:This might get a bit long but background is necessary so please bear with me:
I was extremely religious at one point in life even though I didn’t have any knowledge at all about it and never read the Quran but inspired by Maulana Tariq Jameel’s bayans, I got committed and prayed all Salah’s, even Tahajjud at times, I was a teenager back then. And I tried to remain in a state of Zikr ALL THE TIME, I used to recite Darood E Ibrahimi while driving, walking, sitting. And I had developed a strong emotional 1-1 connection with God as if he was really conderned with my life and what happens with me. So, even if I did a minor sin, that used to weigh heavy on my heart and I had to cry to let it all out and ask for forgiveness. Used to wait for the next prayer as it brought me satisfaction and pleasure. Important to note that I was focused on all of these but was neglecting worldly life, studies, any interest in the matters of this world, kind of cut off from a normal Worldly life, living in a world of my own. Whatever it was, it was peaceful.
Fast forward, I had some questions and no one could answer those questions and ultimately the emotional arguments of atheism got the best of me and I became an atheist, it was a painful process leaving something you had made you whole life. Spent 3-4 years in pitch darkness and then came across Ghamidi Sb and became a Muslim again, Alhamdulillah. A conscious one, with most of the knowledge.
But the problem is I don’t feel the same emotional connection with God as I did back then. I pray but I don’t wait or am not excited about the next prayer. In short, I am not engrossed in a state of Zikr. I badly want to feel the same way as I did before; this makes me feel as if Allah is still angry with me so he is not allowing me to get close to him or I am still doing something wrong, how to get that emotional connection back?
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