This is because you have seen Allah, merely with the lense of His wrath, perhaps even without understanding, upon whom will it be casted.
Allah introduces Himself as the Rahman, the Raheem, the Ghafur, and He tells us, countless of times in the Quran that the Paradise is not for the perfect one, but for the person who tries constantly, with sheer sincerity… So for such a sinner, there is the reward of His eternity.
We are people, and our nature is to sin, and so it is to repent… So kindly dear, listen to how Allah presents himself instead of the people, and His Prophet (peace be upon Him) tells us that, ‘Even if a person brings the sins that may reach the ceiling of the heaven, and repeat to His Lord, sincerely, without even bothering the nature of the sins, Allah will forgive him…’
And your God says that أنا توال الرحيم so it’s just the Sheytan that tries to drag us into despair, in the name of Taqva…
So… Just know that the God is Just, good, righteous and Merciful and Forgiving… And this is how he wants His sincere attempter to know Him as …
The punishment is for the rebels of God, and till the time you are sincerely trying… That’s all that matters inşallah.